I knew I was in for a bad morning quite early on. I was already running late. As I frantically ironed my work outfit I could hear Sofia through the monitor. Instead of hearing songs and playing coming from her crib upon her waking, I heard fake “come give me attention” crying. I entered her room with the usual excitement, and a big “Good Morning Sofia!” I start to talk about her day ahead, and all the great things that she would do at school. She nods her head in agreement and goes through the usual statements, “We’re not going to Nana’s today. We’re not going to Nonnie and Papa’s. We’re going to school.” I think she’s on board and crisis averted….think again.
I have come to the conclusion that the rate of my daughter’s cooperation is directly derived from the level of heightened stress I emanate. If I’m running late and trying to move quickly there is an internal switch within her to immediately slow down and do the opposite of everything I ask. Unless I try reverse psychology and ask for what I don’t want, but she’s long onto me and the reaction is still opposite of what I really need. Is this a law of toddler-hood? Is she really that capable of pissing me off on purpose? As she gets slower and slower, I get more and more crazy. Before I know it, I’m barking orders and running around like a chicken with my head cut off…guaranteed to be a good 15 minutes later than I was to begin with because I had to pin her down to get her shoes on, coax her into her chair for breakfast, somehow manage to hold her still and comb through her spiral curls without hurting her while she jumps up and down in protest. She’s not even three, and is completely capable of making me twitch. There are people at work that can’t get that kind of reaction out of me, and not without effort. How can it be that my own flesh and blood can bring forth this kind of reaction?
I know the solutions. Get up on time (yeah right), prepare lunches and clothing the night before, be calm and you will reinforce calm. All that good, obvious, no-brainer stuff. I do try to do a lot of these things, and some mornings do go smoothly. But other days it’s just not in the cards, and if she’s going to act that way, having all the time in the world is not going to stop her.
Just like after finally arriving at school, try as I might I couldn’t stop her from running around the van and hiding from me in the parking lot while I’m trying to pick up the bags and lift the baby out of his seat. There’s that crazy mother again with no control over her child, running in circles around the van, chasing after her toddler who’s sporting a huge shit eating grin on her face because she knows she has once again gotten the better of her mother. Please tell me that I’m not the only one who has days when I feel like I am just failing MISERABLY at this. Certainly not all days…but this was definitely one of them.
