No Dora Allowed

I’ll be the first to admit that I probably indulge my daughter in a little too much television. Don’t get me wrong, I do not have a catatonic, zoned out couch potato for a child on my hands. She gets plenty of time at play and exercise to work off that gargantuan bundle of…toddler. Be that as it may, I have rationalized that the programs she does watch are at least educational and will enrich her world. Elmo’s World being one of her favorites is fairly well rounded in terms of material. Little Einstein’s is packed with all kinds of art and music, The Backyardigans has her dancing around the living room and is big on imaginative play, and Super Why has her sounding out and spelling 4 letter words. All in moderation seem pretty good to me.

It was with horror that I walked into the living room the other day to find her screaming “MAMA it’s DORA!!!” in my direction. I looked at the TV, and then to my husband in outrage. He shrugged in a defeated “It’s what she wanted” manner. Now, United Dora Lovers of the World let me plead my case here. I’ve got nothing personal against Dora, or her hyperactive cousin Diego. They seem like fine, well brought up animated characters. Truly. But if I’m asked to say “backpack” or hear that Map song (I’m convinced this is also played as background music is all 7 of Dante’s circles) one more time I will LOSE MY FREAKING MIND.

We gave Dora a shot when Sofia was around a year old. We thought that she would benefit from the Spanglish, and she appeared interested at the time. Unlike the aforementioned programs, however, I would not consider Dora to be very adult friendly. By this, I mean a program that would not necessarily be entertaining for adults (I actually enjoy the Einstein’s episodes), but at least tolerable to have in the background, or even to sit and watch with your child. For me, Dora is nails on chalkboard annoying to all living hell.

There are so many things that bug me about Dora I don’t even know where to begin, but I will mention a few:

• The repetition. Every episode Dora needs to pass through 3 areas (river, bridge, mountain, etc) to reach her final destination. These three things are stated OVER AND OVER throughout the entire episode. It’s not like they move on after reaching the first and second destination…oh no. There’s always a recap. There’s something to be said about the benefits of repetition, but this is just beyond ridiculous.
• The Map Song. I know I mentioned it before, but it’s sung every episode. Damn map. If I hear “I’m a map” one more time….oh, I’ll probably just bitch about it some more and move on.
• Swiper. Swiper is a royal pain in my ass. Swiper gets into my child’s brain and makes her scream “SWIPER NO SWIPING” over and over regardless of whether or not the TV is even on. Last night I got the benefit of being told not to swipe as well. When did I swipe??? What did I do to deserve this???

I could keep going, but it’s actually making me twitch. We just stopped letting her watch it the first time around, when she really didn’t have much care or say in the matter. Now that she has more care and more say (how did that happen?) I sense an uphill battle. We have ascertained that her interest in Dora was rekindled at daycare (I shutter to think if they are actually watching it and hoping it’s just a friend favorite). But let it be known that I am on an all out Dora REVOLT!!! Oh yes, she will go down.