Mornings with my daughter pretty much go like this:
“OK Sofia, time to go potty. Let’s get ready for school so you can go have breakfast and watch a show before we leave. Sofia, enough running around please, you need to go potty. Sofia, go potty please. Let’s go. You’re not going to have enough time to watch Mickey Mouse and you’re going to be upset. Please go potty. Common Sofia, let’s have a good morning. Please go potty. 5….4….3….2… (Sofia rushes to the potty and steps on her stool). Put Bear down first, you don’t want to drop him in the toilet. Sofia, put down your bear, you don’t want him to get dirty. OK, but if you drop him in the toilet he’s going to have to take a bath in the washing machine and you wont be able to take him to school. Let’s go, pull your pants down please. Pull your pants down. Sofia, please pull down your pants. No, don’t sit on the potty yet, you’re going to wet your clothes. You need to pull your pants down…your underwear too. Sofia, please pull down your underwear. Yes, I do hear the rain. Please pull down your underwear. No, Daddy’s still in bed. Come on, Sofia, you need to pull down your underwear. OK, good job. You all done? Ok, now you need to wipe. Sofia, wipe your pee pee, please. Yes, I do hear that Dominic is awake. No, you cannot go see him right now; you need to wipe your pee pee. Sofia, you’ve got pee dripping down your leg. Please focus. Wipe your pee pee. Good job, put the toilet paper in the potty. Sofia, please don’t play with the toilet paper, you’ve got pee pee on it. Germs! Put the toilet paper in the toilet. OK, good job, now pull your pants up. Yes, you’re right, your underwear too. Where are you going? You’re going to fall. You need to pull up your pants. OK, wash your hands please. Yes, you have to wash your hands. I’m sorry you don’t want to but you need to wash your hands after you go potty, you have germs on them. Sofia, wash your hands. Come on, grab the soap. That was too quick Sofia, you need to scrub your hands. Make sure you do a good job. OK, dry your hands please. Sofia, dry your hands. Nana will pick you up today. Please listen to me, dry your hands. You want pancakes for breakfast? OK, make sure you tell Daddy, but right now you need to dry your hands. OK, let’s get dressed. Take off your clothes please. Sofia, you need to take off your clothes. Take off your clothes. Now, put on your undies. I’m sorry, all of your princess undies are dirty; you’ll have to wear Elmo. Sofia, there aren’t any princess undies clean. I’ll ask Daddy to wash some tonight, but right now you need to put on your underwear. Wait, they are backwards, try again. OK, put on your pants please. Yes, they do match your shirt. See, they both have pink in them. It doesn’t matter that they are different kinds of pink they still match. Come on, Sofia, please get dressed. Thank you. Now get back on your stool so you can brush your teeth. Grab your toothbrush please. Grab your toothbrush. Sofia, please grab your toothbrush. OK, now brush well. Don’t just eat the toothpaste sweetie, you need to brush your teeth. I’ll finish for you later, right now I need to fix your hair. Please keep brushing. What’s wrong with this elastic? It’s pink. You want a braid down your back and barrettes too? Sigh. Fine, but you’re going to have to hold still. Sofia, please hold still. I can’t put the barrettes in your hair if you’re jumping up and down. Please hold still. Sofia, face forward so I can see what I’m doing. If you can’t hold still I can’t put barrettes in your hair. (Tony in the background, “Sofia, be a good girl for Mama and hold still”). OK, open wide so I can finish brushing your teeth. You need to look at me. Sofia, look at me please, not the mirror. Yes, you are a Mirror Queen. Look at me. Look at me. Sofia, please look at me. OK, let’s wash your face. Hold still please. Sofia, hold still. OK, go downstairs and see Daddy for breakfast. No, I’m not coming with you I still need to get dressed. Yes, my hair is messy; I still need to fix it. Go downstairs. Hold the railing!!! Not safe!!!”
Sigh.
