I did not always want to be a mother. I never had a ticking clock. I never looked at other people’s babies and swooned in an “OMG I want one right now!” kind of way. I did not consider that it was just what adults do or the natural order of things. I liked our lifestyle, lack of financial concerns, and all around freedom. When my husband and I decided to have children it was with great forethought; I can honestly say it was a choice that was not made lightly. Not having much exposure to young children, we read up on the baby’s development and what to expect for early childhood progression. We flipped our world completely upside down, and traded our freedom and sleep for the enormous responsibility and total awe of rearing the helpless little angel that we had created.
And an angel she was. I was just as enamored with my little girl as any doting mother. For the first 18 months of her life I trumpeted every milestone, cheering her on as she learned her way, marveling at her easy disposition. What pure joy she had brought to our lives. I became much more certain of myself every day, and felt like I was beginning to find a strengthened comfort zone in my role as Mommy.
That was until she learned that vile two letter word that has been battered against my bruised and twitching brain for the better half of the last two years…”no”.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!
“No” evolved into 3 and then 5 word sentences…
No, it isn’t.
No, I’m not.
No, I won’t.
No, I don’t want to!
Accompanying the elevated level of sentence structure are the acts of kicking, screaming, the pounding of fists, and general flailing around on the ground like a fish out of water.
What??? Where did this come from? When, oh my god when, does it end? I can remember hearing about the terrible two’s, and thinking, “How hard can it really be?” It would appear I never had a full grasp of the scope of what was to come. In fact, it was not until she turned 2 that fellow parents began saying to me, “Oh, wait until she turns 3…that’s much worse.” There is no way in one blog session that I can even come close to properly explaining just how very worse it got; how something as mundane as the request “please put your sneakers on” can at times set off a fire breathing, house shaking, Exorcist head spinning kind of reaction out of a 3 year old little girl. It is simply mind blowing.
More than any aspect of the challenge that is early childhood development, the stress this behavior assails on my body and my psyche is what leads me to sometimes barricade myself away from my daughter into our bathroom (while she continues to scream bloody hell in the hallway). During those few solitary moments I take in an effort to calm down, I could be found looking myself in the mirror, straight in the eyes, and thinking in total clarity and stinging tears, “I CANNOT DO THIS.” It is very unsettling to admit; a realization that is fraught with failure.
I do not regret our decision, but I am none the less reminded that this is territory I fretted over before we even conceived our first child. I decided I wanted to be a mother. I concerned myself over whether or not I’d be a good one. I worried that I’m not the type of person that has the patience to make that a reality. I decided it would take time, effort, and love. I decided I would make it work. After I revisit this thought process during a brief counting session (I would never have believed counting actually works) and take several deep breaths, I find the will to face my way back to my 33 pound bundle of wrath.
I just struggle so much with this end of the spectrum. When she’s feeling agreeable, we’re great! When she’s not getting her way, you can actually feel the air start to turn. I keep waiting for my daughter’s horrible 3’s to peak, to reach a point where I can say, “It’s getting better. We’re getting better.” We’re not there yet, and so I remind myself that this is the solidification of an independent soul; she’s going to be strong willed, opinionated, confident. Still, as my son is about to reach the 18 month marker, I cringe that it’s about to start all over again. When I think of this during one of my daughter’s more tempestuous moments, I want to find a deep dark hole in which to hide.
Please, tell me I’m not alone in these moments.
Oh, Sis… You’re not a failure. And, she IS a strong willed and independent child, much like we both were. The even better news is she’s confident–much like we both were not. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time–You’re not alone and will get many comments from other moms assuring you so. The lame English major response to a “tempest” is to remind ourselves that out of such storms comes a “sea change” (sorry–old habits). Whoever she’ll become, whatever turns her personality will take will occur because she has a mom who is letting her become who she truly is, and her affection for “NO” is a part of that process. Hang in there! There will be balance; it’s inevitable. She has the best mom she could ever have because she has you!
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My friend Sherry had trouble posting a response and suggested that I enter this comment on her behalf…I believe anyone wishing to post comments on Blogger needs to sign up for a Google ID.
You are SO not alone. Terrible 2’s never happened for us. So we thought everyone else was nuts! When the 3’s hit, it sent my head spinning. I was told 4’s would be better, and they are getting there, but I am still dealing with a lot of whining and tantrums.
So, as not to wish Joshua’s life away, I pray that the 5’s will be better and I will not be encouraging the newbie to talk!
Feel free to post this if you would like!
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Hi, I’m visiting from MBC. Great blog.
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Thanks for following. I’m now your follower too.
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Ok…it is NOT you!! My #2 and #3 are 16 months apart. So # turned 4 in Feb. from October to February we were questioning where to turn to for help. Ahh…she tuned 4 and the tide has changed. She still has her moments but it is so much better. However, have no fear, #3 is going to be 3 very soon and she is well on her way!! Keep in mind I have an Early Childhood degree and was once a behavior therapist for a local children’s hospital. So…stages are rough for everyone. But thankfully they are just that, stages.
Just so you are prepared my 7 year old already tries to “out logic” me daily Boy that is fun!!
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Oh you are so not alone. SO not alone. I guess we have them but they really aren’t ‘ours’ and once they are born its a long process towards independence… that starts with no.
All I can say is, I have a son…but if I had a daughter.. I would be tickled pink if my daughter had the ability to say NO! … and NO! NO! And NO! YOU DON”T….with as much force and conviction as yours
Its a good thing 
sometimes whether things are good is all in how you look at them…
tracy
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You are not alone. I thought I had made it through with no problems since the 2’s were no problem. Then the 3’s hit and my strong willed little girl tested me daily. Now she is 8 and tries to discuss things daily and tries to explain why her way is right. It gets better just hang in there and this stage will pass.
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Oh sweetie I am so there with you. I have a soon to be 4 yr old who I swear some days makes me want to slit my wrists. And your right when she is delightful I enjoy her so much…but when her Miss Hyde comes out…lord help me. Now my 22 month old is watching her big sis and starting to pickup the attitude. Hang in there, we are all going or have been through it. They tell me it gets better…i’m just waiting. Want to wait with me
Stopped by from the MBC 100’s. Great to meet you!
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I feel your pain. My daughter is precisely the same way. She is 4 now and things are easier… mostly. I just try to remember that all the things that make her difficult to parent will make her a successful adult. Hang in there!
I’m following you from the MBC Under 100 Club. I look forward to reading more!
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I am having the same issue with my 7 year old. Yes, my 7 year old. I’ve never heard of the Terrible Sevens! There are moments I swear I’m right back in that 2-3 year old parent moment.
It all is like a roller coaster, just when you think it can’t get any worse, it doesn’t. Thank goodness!
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Of course you’re not alone! I have a three-year-old boy and I am PRAYING for four. It’s the only point in his life where I’ve wished him older than he really is…
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My little Lucy is also a W sitter! We are in PT for “weakness” but really she is just “loosy goosy” we call it. I think she could be a contortionist! Whatever, I think other people are just jealous it hurts them to sit like that!
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