Comments on: An Explanation of Death to My Child http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:16:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: nancy rappaport http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-415 nancy rappaport Mon, 05 Oct 2009 02:41:26 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-415 It is so hard to find the words, and we do the best we can. I have just published a memoir In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother's Suicide (www.inherwake.com) and my mother took a fatal overdose when I was four years old. I have done a lot of thinking about how to talk with children about death. Four years old, children think they are the center of their universe so one aspect is to reassure them that nothing they said or did caused someone they love to die. Also, at this age they are not able to comprehend the permanence of death and so being able to be very concrete about the practicality of death is useful, no matter what your religious orientation. So telling them that when X person dies their heart stops and they don't breath is helpful. I hope that I don't make it seem that in the moment it can be a challenge to find words. Sincerely, Nancy It is so hard to find the words, and we do the best we can. I have just published a memoir
In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother’s Suicide (www.inherwake.com)
and my mother took a fatal overdose when I was four years old.
I have done a lot of thinking about how to talk with children about death.
Four years old, children think they are the center of their universe so one aspect is to reassure them that nothing they said or did caused someone they love to die. Also, at this age they are not able to comprehend the permanence of death and so being able to be very concrete about the practicality of death is useful, no matter what your religious orientation. So telling them that when X person dies their heart stops and they don’t breath is helpful.
I hope that I don’t make it seem that in the moment it can be a challenge to find words.
Sincerely, Nancy

]]> By: nancy rappaport http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-4064 nancy rappaport Mon, 05 Oct 2009 02:41:00 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-4064 It is so hard to find the words, and we do the best we can. I have just published a memoir In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother's Suicide (www.inherwake.com) and my mother took a fatal overdose when I was four years old. I have done a lot of thinking about how to talk with children about death. Four years old, children think they are the center of their universe so one aspect is to reassure them that nothing they said or did caused someone they love to die. Also, at this age they are not able to comprehend the permanence of death and so being able to be very concrete about the practicality of death is useful, no matter what your religious orientation. So telling them that when X person dies their heart stops and they don't breath is helpful. I hope that I don't make it seem that in the moment it can be a challenge to find words. Sincerely, Nancy It is so hard to find the words, and we do the best we can. I have just published a memoir
In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother’s Suicide (www.inherwake.com)
and my mother took a fatal overdose when I was four years old.
I have done a lot of thinking about how to talk with children about death.
Four years old, children think they are the center of their universe so one aspect is to reassure them that nothing they said or did caused someone they love to die. Also, at this age they are not able to comprehend the permanence of death and so being able to be very concrete about the practicality of death is useful, no matter what your religious orientation. So telling them that when X person dies their heart stops and they don’t breath is helpful.
I hope that I don’t make it seem that in the moment it can be a challenge to find words.
Sincerely, Nancy

]]> By: WorkingMom http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-409 WorkingMom Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:36:38 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-409 Maria, I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. There are no easy answers for young children, but somehow we all find the words for our children in our particular situations. So far as the religion issue, welcome to my world! When the question has been posed, I tell people I'm faithful but not religious. Maria, I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. There are no easy answers for young children, but somehow we all find the words for our children in our particular situations.

So far as the religion issue, welcome to my world! When the question has been posed, I tell people I’m faithful but not religious.

]]> By: WorkingMom http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-4063 WorkingMom Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:36:00 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-4063 Maria, I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. There are no easy answers for young children, but somehow we all find the words for our children in our particular situations. So far as the religion issue, welcome to my world! When the question has been posed, I tell people I'm faithful but not religious. Maria, I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. There are no easy answers for young children, but somehow we all find the words for our children in our particular situations.

So far as the religion issue, welcome to my world! When the question has been posed, I tell people I’m faithful but not religious.

]]> By: Maria http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-400 Maria Tue, 29 Sep 2009 23:07:13 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-400 Thank you Becca. I recall stories of your brother from your blog, and I am also so sorry for your loss. You've told some amazing stories from your childhood that have really stuck with me. I always look forward to your entries! Thank you Becca. I recall stories of your brother from your blog, and I am also so sorry for your loss. You’ve told some amazing stories from your childhood that have really stuck with me. I always look forward to your entries!

]]> By: Maria http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-4062 Maria Tue, 29 Sep 2009 23:07:00 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-4062 Thank you Becca. I recall stories of your brother from your blog, and I am also so sorry for your loss. You've told some amazing stories from your childhood that have really stuck with me. I always look forward to your entries! Thank you Becca. I recall stories of your brother from your blog, and I am also so sorry for your loss. You’ve told some amazing stories from your childhood that have really stuck with me. I always look forward to your entries!

]]> By: Becca http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-399 Becca Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:17:13 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-399 I'm sorry about the loss of your grandfather. I can only imagine what you are feeling. My thoughts are with you. My brother died the day after my daughter's 4th birthday. I remembered a picture book I had purchased for a friend upon losing their family pet. It talked about how every living thing has a cycle where it is born and grows & then weakens & dies.....everything comes full circle. I thought it was a good book. I explained it to her like that. Now I know it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. But it worked fine for her then. I've let her ask questions as she grows and I've tried to answer them as honestly and as best I could at the time. Like you, I'm always wondering if it is enough. I think you've handled things beautifully. (We've had similar experiences with religion too. I grew up in a hell-fire-and-brimstone congregational holiness church. Every Sunday we were reminded about Satan and hell. I want my daughter to make her own decisions about religion and God.) I’m sorry about the loss of your grandfather. I can only imagine what you are feeling. My thoughts are with you.
My brother died the day after my daughter’s 4th birthday. I remembered a picture book I had purchased for a friend upon losing their family pet. It talked about how every living thing has a cycle where it is born and grows & then weakens & dies…..everything comes full circle. I thought it was a good book. I explained it to her like that. Now I know it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. But it worked fine for her then. I’ve let her ask questions as she grows and I’ve tried to answer them as honestly and as best I could at the time. Like you, I’m always wondering if it is enough.
I think you’ve handled things beautifully.

(We’ve had similar experiences with religion too. I grew up in a hell-fire-and-brimstone congregational holiness church. Every Sunday we were reminded about Satan and hell. I want my daughter to make her own decisions about religion and God.)

]]> By: Becca http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-4061 Becca Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:17:00 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-4061 I'm sorry about the loss of your grandfather. I can only imagine what you are feeling. My thoughts are with you. My brother died the day after my daughter's 4th birthday. I remembered a picture book I had purchased for a friend upon losing their family pet. It talked about how every living thing has a cycle where it is born and grows & then weakens & dies.....everything comes full circle. I thought it was a good book. I explained it to her like that. Now I know it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. But it worked fine for her then. I've let her ask questions as she grows and I've tried to answer them as honestly and as best I could at the time. Like you, I'm always wondering if it is enough. I think you've handled things beautifully. (We've had similar experiences with religion too. I grew up in a hell-fire-and-brimstone congregational holiness church. Every Sunday we were reminded about Satan and hell. I want my daughter to make her own decisions about religion and God.) I’m sorry about the loss of your grandfather. I can only imagine what you are feeling. My thoughts are with you.
My brother died the day after my daughter’s 4th birthday. I remembered a picture book I had purchased for a friend upon losing their family pet. It talked about how every living thing has a cycle where it is born and grows & then weakens & dies…..everything comes full circle. I thought it was a good book. I explained it to her like that. Now I know it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. But it worked fine for her then. I’ve let her ask questions as she grows and I’ve tried to answer them as honestly and as best I could at the time. Like you, I’m always wondering if it is enough.
I think you’ve handled things beautifully.

(We’ve had similar experiences with religion too. I grew up in a hell-fire-and-brimstone congregational holiness church. Every Sunday we were reminded about Satan and hell. I want my daughter to make her own decisions about religion and God.)

]]> By: Maria http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-397 Maria Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:15:37 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-397 Thank you Dad, that means a lot. Thank you Dad, that means a lot.

]]> By: Maria http://mom-et-al.com/2009/09/explanation-of-death/comment-page-1/#comment-4060 Maria Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:15:00 +0000 http://mom-et-al.com/?p=168#comment-4060 Thank you Dad, that means a lot. Thank you Dad, that means a lot.

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