“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
As the dust began to settle in the aftermath of the hate group created among some of my peers on Facebook, a friend pointed out something I found rather ironic. That group, wrought with malice, was created on the birthday observance of Martin Luther King, Jr. I wondered to myself if the creator of that group understood at all why he was at home that day, enjoying a holiday.
I want to thank everyone who showed support for the woman who was targeted, as well as for the kind words that were extended to me for speaking out against the group. There was some success. Friends championed the cause and spread the word; many who did not even know this person did their part to try to make a difference. The result: the creator left the group, all administrators abandoned their positions, and participation in the group dropped over 15 percent. Those who joined forces with me rejoiced in this small victory, however it is bitter sweet. The group is still out there; its members remain over 150 people strong. Countless individuals have reported the group as a violation of Facebook’s terms of service, yet there is no indication of when, if ever, Facebook administrators will take action to terminate the group.
Even though we were unable to dismantle the group, I still felt that a sense of awareness to this very important issue was spreading. I was feeling very positive, until yesterday when I learned about Phoebe Prince. This beautiful 15 year old girl ended her life on January 14, 2010. While the reasoning behind her death remains under investigation, the fact that Phoebe was the victim of severe bullying has thus far been uncontested. There are reports of public conflict between Phoebe and a group of classmates. Prior to her death there was some disciplinary action taken towards those classmates for their behavior while attending school. Yet it would appear most of the maltreatment didn’t take place within those walls. The major outlets that Phoebe’s peers utilized to conduct their harassment were Facebook and text messaging.
This horrifying example of the worst possible case scenario was exactly my point when I wrote that post. This isn’t a child that ended her life out of no where, with everyone who knew her left to question and never understand why she did it. There were signs. There were so many signs. Who reached out to help her? Who stood up and said “this should not be happening”? Honestly, some may have. I do not know the details, but it was clearly not enough. Even after her death people continued to taint her memory by bashing her on her Facebook memorial pages. This is one poor girl in one Massachusetts town. We are turning a blind eye if we refuse to acknowledge it is happening elsewhere. If adults continue to reinforce this behavior through their own actions, how we can expect our children not to follow suit?
Change is needed. Education begins at home and further structure is needed in our schools. The State of Massachusetts is stepping up its efforts to produce anti-bullying legislation, a bill that has been put off far too long. It is a shame that it took what happened to Phoebe for people to realize it requires prioritization. Yet for all its worth, this bill is targeted at protecting children. It is up to us as adults to ensure we do not allow cyber bullying to happen amongst ourselves.
For those who are interested, a scholarship fund has been set up in Phoebe Prince’s name. Donations may be sent to the Phoebe Prince Scholarship Fund, Peoples Bank, 494 Newton St., South Hadley, 01075.
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Maria, I didn’t see the page but heard the story on the radio. It is unfathomable to me that bullying this poor girl to her death would make these horrible people somehow feel stronger or better about themselves. How do you live with yourself? AND WHERE ARE THESE CHILDRENS PARENTS? Can you imagine your child not only being responsible for another persons death, but then to learn they ridiculed her further online after the fact? Scary.
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Maria Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more Caryn. It scares me as well.
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I almost wish the creator and other admin of the group were found out by their employer. People have been fired for this type of thing. As the blogging community knows, they could be “Dooced”.
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Maria Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
I love that my man knows what it means to be “Dooced”.
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There are 2 quotes from Jewish literature that have been floating through my head over the past week and a half since this hate page came to life. That is:
“If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?”- Rabbi Hillel
“Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.”- Babylonian Talmud.
I find that many times I have trouble verbalizing in a productive way. Maria eloquently verbalized exactly what I was thinking. Maybe the above quotes are too deep for what we have been dealing with, I don’t know. I, too, carry baggage from my childhood of hurtful bullying. I am having trouble stating exactly how I feel about what has been done to KC, as well as what happened to Phoebe Prince and all of the faceless and nameless people out there who are dealing with similar circumstances. I pray for the people who created the page as well as those who joined, that they never have to face such hatred with their children, nieces/newphews etc.
Thank you again Maria….
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Maria Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Well said, Sherry. Thank you for your comment.
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Maria, the irony speaks to how little we do to remember Dr. King and the reasons we celebrate his day. At school, I would teach one lesson (not even required in the curriculum) about his contributions and sacrifice prior to “our” day off, but I wish I had have done more. The family of that poor girl will have to live with their regrets and anger over the needless loss of their child. Maybe we need stronger laws and consequences about harrassment or maybe even requiring people to learn parenting skills before giving birth, but I think that’s a pipedream in our present society. All we can do now is what you have been doing–speaking out and making a difference whenever you can. Thanks for your commendable efforts.
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You are shaping a better world…one blog at a time. Regardless of the level of seriousness of the topic there is always the underlying theme of a sincere writer. Thank you!
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Tony Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Maria, weren’t you looking for a motto for your blog business card for Blogher? What about Bethany’s first sentence? Although I’d use post instead of blog.
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Hi there! I am here from Friday follow! Love your blog!
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Friday Following you back (also following through Networked Blogs, if you get the chance, come back and follow me through NB too. Thanks)!
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That’s such a very sad story.
PS came across to return the Friday Follow, and will look forwards to reading more from you soon
Rachel Cotterill´s last blog ..Submitting The Manuscript, or Why LaTeX Suddenly Makes Sense
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Thanks for following my blog! I’m your ‘current’ newest follower
Happy Friday!
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Following you back, on twitter too. Thanks for the follow.
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Thanks for the Friday Follow! I am here to return the follow and browse your blog
Have a great weekend!
Danetta´s last blog ..Mayfair Lane giveaway @ TheBragging Mommy
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Hi following you back!
This is a great post!
I’m glad that growing up with didn’t have this stuff. I think education begins at home. parents need to give their children the strength to withstand whatever rock they come accross with. Mother is a strong woman and always gave us lots of strength and love.
My niece tried to take her life (not for the same reasons stated in your post) and well, my sister not being raised by my mother didn’t know how to handle it. She didn’t know how to handle the reason why my niece decided to attempt to put an end to her life. She’s only 13.
LMJ´s last blog ..TO ALL MY NEW FOLLOWERS!
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following you back – happy friday follow!
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Thanks for stopping by my blog! =)
Ashley ´s last blog ..FREE Sweetbird Smoothie Sample
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Great site! Very important info. My nephew is going through this in school and my sister has gone to the school administration about it. It got to the point he wanted to move to a different school. Followed you back from Friday Follow! Thanks!
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Scary, sad, and frightening. Thank you for sharing such an important story.
Happy Friday Follow! Enjoy the weekend!
Holly
http://www.504main.blogspot.com
http://www.hipweddings.blogspot.com
Holly L´s last blog ..Mind, Body, Food…A Quest for Pantry Perfection and a Homemade Ketchup Recipe!
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Bullies suck! Thanks for the follow!
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I am a Friday Follow!!!!
sarahsblogoffun.blogspot.com
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Popping over to say I am a new follower from Friday Follow.
http://terra-del-sole.blogspot.com/
I could not agree more! Parenting is the most important component.
ContessaGrigia´s last blog ..Coming to California
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Such a great post. It’s horrible that things such as this happen, and what’s worse is that we let it.
I almost hate to mention this in this comment, but I am here from Friday Follow.
You have such a beautiful family!
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This breaks my heart. First, I’m here for Friday Follow (You followed my The 24/7 Mom blog and I followed you here, then you so nicely followed my Giveaway Chick blog also – I’m the same person, hope you don’t mind!)
I’ve written a lot over the years about bullying. My 10 year old son has been a victim of it since kindergarten. He even got jumped off the bus once by 2 boys – the bus lets off right in front of our apartment and I felt safe letting him walk 150 feet to the door, not any more.
I hate it hate it hate it. It breaks my heart. It’s destroying his self esteem. We just started counseling last week because of how it is affecting him, hoping to teach him how to deal with it, how to react to it, how to not let his self worth be based on those boys, while he’s young, before he decides to do something drastic to escape the bullies. It hurts so much as his mom to watch him hurt like he does.
I am not sure what Facebook group it was, but it sounds horrible and you guys did good! Off to read your post that you linked to here.
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following from Follow Friday
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Hi,
Just stopping by to return the Friday Follow favor…
dawn hild
http://meandcraig.blogspot.com
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New Friday Follower!
Thanks so much for posting this. This is an epidemic that we all must get behind and help put an end to.
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Hello, New follower…stopping by to say hello! Happy Friday Follow!
Rondi´s last blog ..Organic Home Pest Control Giveaway
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Hello!! It is VERY nice to meet you—and become a follower!
Lynn Guinn´s last blog ..Some People Avoid Me Like The Plague, But The Brave Remain
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New follower, stopping over from FF. So glad you were able to make a positive impact on that group, sorry you and your friend were going through that at all, you would think adults were able to grow up at some point and act mature and handle their differences with kindness.
Daily laying it at the Master’s feet!
Laura Ann
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I’m always glad to hear about any type of anti-bullying efforts.
Thanks for linking up at Friday Follow! It’s such a grand day to meet you, so here I am…your newest blog follower. Happy weekend!
~ Lynn
http://www.middayescapades.com
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Friday Following you back! Thanks for stopping by and becoming a follower. Great post. Stories such as Phoebe’s break my heart into tiny pieces. No one should ever feel like that.
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That really is awful…Im glad you spoke up and were able to help at least one person…disturbing and shameful
shortmama´s last blog ..Meat Packer
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Thanks for stoppin’ by my blog and following. Following you back!
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Visiting and following from friday follow. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’ll be coming back to catch up on all your posts:)
Melissa
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Happy Friday Follow I am the newest of your followers – at least for now! LOVE your blog and I will be back to visit very soon!
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I absolutely agree – this is not only horrifying, it’s unacceptable. I think more people NEED TO get involved, it’s awful that we’re losing our children to something as horrid as “bullying”. I have zero tolerance for it in and around my home, no matter WHO the child is that’s doing the “bullying”.
Great post – I hope it raises more awareness!
(Following you back from Follow Friday!)
Joe
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Maria – I am not sure if the creators of the Hate page realized they created it on Martin Luther King’s Day or not but, a little inside info….I share Martin Luther King’s birthday with him and that was the creators initial motive as they gloated that they created the page on my birthday. It was supposed to be my birthday gift from them…. Thank you for helping get rid of this page. My children, family and I appretiated your help and support!!!
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Hi, returning the favor from Friday Follow (I’m the first from google,yeah).
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Looks like you post some great stuff. Here following back from Friday Follow. Thanks http://www.guessingalltheway.com
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WOW—this was very powerful.
I am a new follower from FF. Please come by and follow back. I am doing some great giveaways right now. I hope you had a great weekend and Happy Monday. Juliana from A Blonde Walks Into A Blog!
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Following back! You are right, all bullying needs to stop. We had a bully this year in kindergarten and just ruins everything (kids or adults.)
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