I must have been about eight years old because I was old enough to be out in the yard playing by myself, and at the same young enough to frolic in the grass. I rolled my body down a small hill while basking in the blazing summer sun. I came to a rest on my back at the bottom of the hill staring up at the sky and the few clouds that were barely wisps over the brilliant blue. It was then I heard a faint crunching noise in my left ear. I turned my head and found that my face was inches away from an enormous praying mantis. Its strange beady eyes appeared to stare directly into mine. Clutched in its raptorial forelegs, as a human would grasp corn on the cob, was none other than a bumble bee. It stood there completely un-bemused by my presence, chewing its lunch and turning the bee round and round for a bigger and better bite. My scream was loud enough to bring my neighbors to their windows, but by the time they looked outside there was no one there. I had already retreated to safety of my home where bugs did not eat other bugs, and more importantly I did not have to bear witness. Thus ended my grass frolicking.
It is present day and springtime here in New England. Our rose bushes are starting to bud, the grass is finally growing, and soon a yellow dusty film will cover every inch of our roof, siding, deck, and vehicles. While others are running out to greet the sun, this is when I retreat inward, seeking the solace of the recycled air within my own home. Nature and I still do not get along very well, you see. It is not only the things that fly and lurk in the grass; the pollen gives me a good excuse to hide away from the mocking presence of nature’s rebirth. At this time I prefer to bunch my tissues and watch from the closed windows.
When I am hiding inside my home in the early weeks of spring, the last thing I expect is for nature to come to me. Yet find me it does, and not so lucky for me its preferential form presents itself in the way of those creepy little six to eight legged monsters. Bugs. I remain petrified of bugs, and my adult home seems to be a breeding ground for the weirdest mutants from which I have ever had the pleasure of running away. I know one thing for certain; this is karma rearing its angry head at me for past wrong doings. My greatest offense: my ninth grade Biology insect project.
Our task which kept me awake many a night was to collect, kill, identify, label, and present at least fifteen different species of insects. We were actually given tips on the best ways to kill our specimens without compromising their features for the Styrofoam and push pin presentation format. At the time I felt that freezing them as opposed to drowning them in rubbing alcohol would be the best method; at least that was what I thought I could stomach without having to touch them as much. I knew that handling the bugs was going to be a big problem for me, despite my generous stock of rubber gloves.
The first bug I caught was a fly. How complex could that be, right? It was unbelievably difficult to catch a fly without smashing its little bits off. Once I finally had one cornered and shut away in a Tupperware I stuck it unceremoniously into the freezer. Bye-bye fly! I came back a while later to retrieve the container, shook it lightly, and watched the fly slide involuntarily about the bottom of the dish. Success! Keeping it shut I set the container aside and went about my search for more life I would soon have to snuff out.
Yet when I came back later that afternoon with more quarry, I heard a violent tapping sound coming from the table. The fly had rejuvenated. It was ramming itself against the lid of the Tupperware, intent on escape; intent on revenge. As I did throughout the project of total-damage-to-my-psyche torture, I screamed and ran away. What did I learn? Skip the freezing and bring on the rubbing alcohol.
Then there was the beetle. Don’t ask me which family of beetle because I have surely blocked that little factoid out. What I am unable to block out is the moment in which I tried to secure my already dead beetle onto the Styrofoam with a pin. Apparently this particular beetle had a defiantly strong exoskeleton. I tried and tried to push the pin through the little bug, but it simply would not break though. Finally, with one last thrust the pin found its passage, but not before I heard a large popping sound and out of the corner of my eye spied something small and black fly across the room. I looked down at the beetle and saw that a rather important feature was missing. The pressure of the pin had popped its head off. It was the night before the project was due and I didn’t have time to go searching for another species. Gently I got down on all fours and searched the rug for over twenty minutes before I finally found its tiny head. With the miracle of superglue I was back in business, but the emotional damage had taken its toll. To this day, if it is not as small as a fruit fly or something that I can wad up with a half a roll of paper towels, I cannot kill a bug.
And this is the problem I face en masse every spring. In my house, thanks in part to the lovely conservation area abutting my property (what the hell was I thinking buying this house) we get bugs like this:
I can get close enough to take a picture before I run away. We get beetles, millipedes, ants, things I cannot even attempt to name, and the spiders; oh my god the spiders. These things get large enough to have shadows, and enough mass that they make little thud sounds when they land on things. It doesn’t matter where they are the house, my eyes will automatically gravitate to them. When I can get someone else to kill them, they make crunching noises beneath newpapers that ring in my ears for hours. This is karma. This is payback from that voodoo fly that had it out for me, spitting out its last curses with its compound eyes trained on mine; swearing never ending unrest at all 800 of my features before finding blackness beneath the alcohol saturated waters. With my inability to get close enough to kill them, I find myself banished from rooms until my husband can come home and make them go away. In the mean time:
“Mommy, there’s a huge ant!”
“An ant? Heh, heh. That’s ok honey, it will go away. Let’s go in the other room!”
“No, that’s OK, I got it. It’s in the trash.”
At least my fear hasn’t impressed itself upon my four year old daughter yet. She seems to handle the disposing of insects quite swimmingly. Oh look, another spider! I’ll just be in the other room…
I am almost as terrified of bugs as you are..and I surpass that with lizards,snakes and frogs. I panic so bad that I’m almost frozen..but can they ever cause me to scream. I simply can’not abide these creatures. I know in the grand scheme of things, each creatures have a purpose..I just don’t care what it is. And I don’t care.. I’ll just find another room till help arrives.
I am almost as terrified of bugs as you are..and I surpass that with lizards,snakes and frogs. I panic so bad that I’m almost frozen..but can they ever cause me to scream. I simply can’not abide these creatures. I know in the grand scheme of things, each creatures have a purpose..I just don’t care what it is. And I don’t care.. I’ll just find another room till help arrives.
You are hilarious!! But, I do feel your pain because there have been some strange bugs in our house too. I think they are aliens disguised as bugs.
Makes me afraid to kill them but then I can’t sleep at night knowing that they are roaming the house. You may just have to call Terminix.
You are hilarious!! But, I do feel your pain because there have been some strange bugs in our house too. I think they are aliens disguised as bugs.
Makes me afraid to kill them but then I can’t sleep at night knowing that they are roaming the house. You may just have to call Terminix.
aaaaackkkkk!!! That is quite a collection. Reminds me of where I grew up. HUGE spiders all the time. I would so be in the other room too.
aaaaackkkkk!!! That is quite a collection. Reminds me of where I grew up. HUGE spiders all the time. I would so be in the other room too.
I am very thankful I never had to do an insect collection for school. When I was teaching, my predecessor had left a huge bottle of bug spray in the filing cabinet. We got wasps, flys, spiders, and all kinds of creepy crawlies in the classroom. Luckily for me my students had no trouble taking care of them. Ick.
I am very thankful I never had to do an insect collection for school. When I was teaching, my predecessor had left a huge bottle of bug spray in the filing cabinet. We got wasps, flys, spiders, and all kinds of creepy crawlies in the classroom. Luckily for me my students had no trouble taking care of them. Ick.
LOL! Living in a condo, cockroaches are the only insects that ‘bug’ us and I too will scream for Hubby to smash them !! At High School, I failed my Biology practical ‘cos I refused to touch a cockroach that I was supposed to dissect. EWWWWWWWWW!!!
LOL! Living in a condo, cockroaches are the only insects that ‘bug’ us and I too will scream for Hubby to smash them !! At High School, I failed my Biology practical ‘cos I refused to touch a cockroach that I was supposed to dissect. EWWWWWWWWW!!!
LOL! I loved this! Talk about a trip down memory lane….I still get a shiver when I think of my little sister and “the ants.” Raised on a ranch in the CO rockies, we had these HUGE black ants…with jaws of steel–if they bit you, you could literally bleed! Anyway, I found her one day, sitting on the porch with a piece of paper in her hand. Very carefully she was picking up one ant after another and putting the edge of the paper between his jaws. He would clamp down so hard that then she could pull his little body and the head would just pop off, clinging to the paper.
35 little black ant heads lining the edge of the paper.
Dear God, we should have had a tv….this was traumatizing entertainment.
LOL! I loved this! Talk about a trip down memory lane….I still get a shiver when I think of my little sister and “the ants.” Raised on a ranch in the CO rockies, we had these HUGE black ants…with jaws of steel–if they bit you, you could literally bleed! Anyway, I found her one day, sitting on the porch with a piece of paper in her hand. Very carefully she was picking up one ant after another and putting the edge of the paper between his jaws. He would clamp down so hard that then she could pull his little body and the head would just pop off, clinging to the paper.
35 little black ant heads lining the edge of the paper.
Dear God, we should have had a tv….this was traumatizing entertainment.
Oh Chantel, that totally brought things to a new level of creepy!!!! 35 Little ant heads all lined in a row??? BLECH!!!! You’d think they’d see the other heads and have some sense of self preservation not to join the bandwagon.
Oh Chantel, that totally brought things to a new level of creepy!!!! 35 Little ant heads all lined in a row??? BLECH!!!! You’d think they’d see the other heads and have some sense of self preservation not to join the bandwagon.
The funny thing about that…because of this post I keep getting ads for Terminex in the margin!
The funny thing about that…because of this post I keep getting ads for Terminex in the margin!
Bugs don’t bug me but snakes? That’s a whole other story.
Bugs don’t bug me but snakes? That’s a whole other story.
Following back form Friday Follow! I love your writing style. I too hate bugs! Oh my, I love the outdoors and I love flowers and trees but something about creepy crawlers and flying insects..FREAK ME THE EFF OUT!!! I’m sure it has something to do with my brother throwing a jar of earth worms on me when we were small, It thought it was funny…I am sure I am traumatized! Looking forward to reading more of your posts. Debi(Truthful MOmmy)
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/
Following back form Friday Follow! I love your writing style. I too hate bugs! Oh my, I love the outdoors and I love flowers and trees but something about creepy crawlers and flying insects..FREAK ME THE EFF OUT!!! I’m sure it has something to do with my brother throwing a jar of earth worms on me when we were small, It thought it was funny…I am sure I am traumatized! Looking forward to reading more of your posts. Debi(Truthful MOmmy)
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/
Thanks for the follow..
..
YUCK flies..
we have a spider problem right now. I’m just taking a wee break before I get to more cleaning.
As for fear of bugs..it has been passed on from me to my sons. When our foster daughter asked my son to kill a spider..he said..well if i have to. LOL..he’s 18.
Thanks for the follow..
..
YUCK flies..
we have a spider problem right now. I’m just taking a wee break before I get to more cleaning.
As for fear of bugs..it has been passed on from me to my sons. When our foster daughter asked my son to kill a spider..he said..well if i have to. LOL..he’s 18.
Following back from Friday follows. I thoroughly enjoyed the post above. It had me smiling from ear to ear. Have a great Friday. I look forward to reading more!
Following back from Friday follows. I thoroughly enjoyed the post above. It had me smiling from ear to ear. Have a great Friday. I look forward to reading more!
Thanks for visiting Crazy Daisy today! I am following you back!
Thanks for visiting Crazy Daisy today! I am following you back!
thanks for visiting my blog, returning the favor by following back..
thanks for visiting my blog, returning the favor by following back..
I am following back from Friday Follow. The above post was hilarious. Although I am not afraid of bugs like you seem to be, my husband thinks I am crazy that I won’t kill a spider with my own shoe, I always have to use his shoe.
Have a great weekend!
I am following back from Friday Follow. The above post was hilarious. Although I am not afraid of bugs like you seem to be, my husband thinks I am crazy that I won’t kill a spider with my own shoe, I always have to use his shoe.
Have a great weekend!
LOL! I hate bugs too. I’m not afraid of them, I just don’t like them.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m following you back.
Have a wonderful weekend!
LOL! I hate bugs too. I’m not afraid of them, I just don’t like them.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m following you back.
Have a wonderful weekend!
LOL I don’t mind some bugs….I will catch crickets, ladybugs, and daddy long legs and put them back outside. My kids think I’m nuts! tee hee However, there are some that I WILL not touch with a ten-foot pole. LOL
Thanks for stopping by my blog and following! I’m returning the luv and am now following you with both of my sites!
Stop by again when you get a chance.
Tree (aka Mother of Pearl)
Join Us at Mommies Faves Mom Bloggers Network Today!
Mother of Pearl It Is
Mommies Faves Top Sites and Blogs
LOL I don’t mind some bugs….I will catch crickets, ladybugs, and daddy long legs and put them back outside. My kids think I’m nuts! tee hee However, there are some that I WILL not touch with a ten-foot pole. LOL
Thanks for stopping by my blog and following! I’m returning the luv and am now following you with both of my sites!
Stop by again when you get a chance.
Tree (aka Mother of Pearl)
Join Us at Mommies Faves Mom Bloggers Network Today!
Mother of Pearl It Is
Mommies Faves Top Sites and Blogs
I am petrified of spiders- I can handle snakes, sharks, dragons, devils and gargoyles but spiders scare the livin’ breath right out of me!!
I am petrified of spiders- I can handle snakes, sharks, dragons, devils and gargoyles but spiders scare the livin’ breath right out of me!!
Hey There!
I’m a new follower from Friday Follow. I hope you’ll get a chance to swing by and follow me too.
While you’re there feel free to check out one of my newest giveaways for a Soda Stream Machine. Or you can read up about my life under my Look at Life Tab.
I hope to see you there!
Take Care,
-Amanda T
http://mylifewithratsandmore.blogspot.com
Hey There!
I’m a new follower from Friday Follow. I hope you’ll get a chance to swing by and follow me too.
While you’re there feel free to check out one of my newest giveaways for a Soda Stream Machine. Or you can read up about my life under my Look at Life Tab.
I hope to see you there!
Take Care,
-Amanda T
http://mylifewithratsandmore.blogspot.com
Brrrr your post gave me shivers. I hate bugs, especially ones that crunch when you squish them. Stopping in from Friday Follows.
.-= Julia´s last blog ..The After Party =-.
Brrrr your post gave me shivers. I hate bugs, especially ones that crunch when you squish them. Stopping in from Friday Follows.
.-= Julia´s last blog ..The After Party =-.
Hilarious. I have lived all over the country and bugs are something I use to measure if we really want to go back to those places again. So far, PA is turning out ok.
I’m following from Friday Follow.
Thanks,
Laura @www.montydob.blogspot.com
Hilarious. I have lived all over the country and bugs are something I use to measure if we really want to go back to those places again. So far, PA is turning out ok.
I’m following from Friday Follow.
Thanks,
Laura @www.montydob.blogspot.com