Several weeks had passed since my daughter had returned home from school carrying a small pot of dirt. I fretted a great deal about this because me and the whole successful growing of plants thing…not so affective. Yet I had been diligent. The soil had been maintained at a pleasantly moist level; not too wet and not too dry. I was confident that I had done everything I could to make the mystery seed beneath sprout forth and reveal its glorious origins. But the damn thing still hadn’t grown.
My mother in law, who visits daily when she drops off the kids, got to witness the lack of progress and gave me a nice Easter gift to help me feel better:
Fakeflorium
“Here you go,” she said, “this one you can’t kill.” Thanks.
Despite all my efforts, I could not understand why I was failing. I had heard that people sometimes talk to their plants to help them grow, so in a moment of desperation I gave it a shot:
Dude, I know we have had like no sun lately and nothing but constant cloud cover and apocalyptic rain. I get it. I totally understand why you’re being so stubborn and staying down there where it’s dark and warm. What you need to grasp, is she is not going to stop asking me what is wrong with you until you suck it up and start showing us some green. She will continue to pick you up multiple times a day, every day to stare at you. She will pout and complain, whine and cry. She will make unfounded accusations that I am doing a crappy job, when you know full well I have been most attentive and have more than kept up my end of the bargain. So unless you want to wind up in the trash, and go on a nice long vacation courtesy of The Plant Fairy, I suggest you cooperate pronto.
Well I don’t know if it was our little talk or if the Whateverthehellitscalled plant normally takes three weeks to show itself, but we got green! Not just a little green either. It got so large I had to move it to another pot!
(OK FINE, Tony repotted it)
I was beginning to feel as though I had atoned for my sins against nature. Here was this beautiful thriving plant being kept alive by my sheer will to keep it that way. Certainly I had made up for all the plants I had allowed to wither and die in my previous anti-watering life. It would appear Nature, however, is not done with me.
Right after Easter Sofia came home with plant project number two. Supposedly it’s a carrot. A carrot? Seriously, what am I supposed to do with this thing? I am so not ready for vegetables. It’s been two weeks and progress is seemingly non existent:
Daucus Carota alla Bunny Ears
Perhaps we need to have a talk?
At least this time, if I can believe my four year old, I know what kind of plant this is supposed to be. Are we status quo in terms of carrot germination? I have no idea, nor am I relishing the fact that I probably need to do some research (other than looking up the scientific term for carrot) and perhaps actually put it in the ground. One thing I do know: Mother Nature is holding steadfast that I have a long way to go before this black thumb is truly forgiven.
lol…babe, seeds are a challenge–just hit up home depot and get the little PLANTS. No worry or threatening with maniacal fairies involved! And if you do herbs–most love dry soil and total sun so they’re really hard to kill. (and how cool is it to serve roasted chicken with rosemary you GREW?!) In the mean time….um…I would SO grab a weed from the yard and say “look–its growing!” and then a week later buy a carrot PLANT from depot. I know, it’s cheating…but damn, you have a difficult audience!
ps. Totally dig “alla bunny ears.”
lol…babe, seeds are a challenge–just hit up home depot and get the little PLANTS. No worry or threatening with maniacal fairies involved! And if you do herbs–most love dry soil and total sun so they’re really hard to kill. (and how cool is it to serve roasted chicken with rosemary you GREW?!) In the mean time….um…I would SO grab a weed from the yard and say “look–its growing!” and then a week later buy a carrot PLANT from depot. I know, it’s cheating…but damn, you have a difficult audience!
ps. Totally dig “alla bunny ears.”
Chantel, YOU are a GENIUS!!!
Chantel, YOU are a GENIUS!!!
At least you know that talking to it works. If I were you, I’d get to having a pep talk with the carrot plant. You just never know…you may be having steamed carrots for dinner in the near future.
At least you know that talking to it works. If I were you, I’d get to having a pep talk with the carrot plant. You just never know…you may be having steamed carrots for dinner in the near future.
You make a good point, but I should probably be a little careful with my words. “I’m going to eat you soon”, while true is probably not best incentive.
You make a good point, but I should probably be a little careful with my words. “I’m going to eat you soon”, while true is probably not best incentive.
I kill everything- My mom always says it’s a wonder I remember to feed my kids
I kill everything- My mom always says it’s a wonder I remember to feed my kids
Thanks for the follow! I am returning it now! Congratulations on the plant! I have a black thumb, everything plant wise dies around me.
Debra
I changed my URL: http://www.housewifeeclectic.com/
Thanks for the follow! I am returning it now! Congratulations on the plant! I have a black thumb, everything plant wise dies around me.
Debra
I changed my URL: http://www.housewifeeclectic.com/
It seems like this plant wanted to be dominated. Good for you for taking control and taking roots into your own hands.Sometimes putting down your foot, standing your ground, and saying a few firm words is the only way to get through to them
Much Luv,
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..He Conquered Fear =-.
It seems like this plant wanted to be dominated. Good for you for taking control and taking roots into your own hands.Sometimes putting down your foot, standing your ground, and saying a few firm words is the only way to get through to them
Much Luv,
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..He Conquered Fear =-.
Oh how I love this. Because ‘have done that. Lols! It works.
Oh how I love this. Because ‘have done that. Lols! It works.
Funny. I totally believe in talking to plants. I have just recently become an amazing gardener, thanks to playing classical to them. Does that sound crazy? I work from home and often use my lunch breaks to tend to my garden and playing music actually works.Just like talking to plants classical music really helps them to grow. Plants are living things too.
Funny. I totally believe in talking to plants. I have just recently become an amazing gardener, thanks to playing classical to them. Does that sound crazy? I work from home and often use my lunch breaks to tend to my garden and playing music actually works.Just like talking to plants classical music really helps them to grow. Plants are living things too.
Oh, I hate this kind of stuff. I definitely have a brown thumb and have never, ever been able to keep anything alive that my daughter has tried to grow. She just got an ant farm for her birthday, so we’ll see if I can do a better job with… INSECTS!!
Oh, I hate this kind of stuff. I definitely have a brown thumb and have never, ever been able to keep anything alive that my daughter has tried to grow. She just got an ant farm for her birthday, so we’ll see if I can do a better job with… INSECTS!!
Wonderful description of what I am going through this spring, minus the MIL giving pithy commentary on my plant-growing abilities! I really want this pepper plant of mine to grow and thrive. I want peppers this summer and from this plant! I even bought it as a seedling, but alas, brown thumb syndrome does not limit itself just to seed growing. Maybe I’ll have to try having a serious one on one with her! Maybe I’ll give her a name–Zelda sounds good!
Wonderful description of what I am going through this spring, minus the MIL giving pithy commentary on my plant-growing abilities! I really want this pepper plant of mine to grow and thrive. I want peppers this summer and from this plant! I even bought it as a seedling, but alas, brown thumb syndrome does not limit itself just to seed growing. Maybe I’ll have to try having a serious one on one with her! Maybe I’ll give her a name–Zelda sounds good!
You are now one step ahead of me. While Ethan’s started growing within a week and continues to grow, I have yet to plant it in a bigger pot. So kudos to you!
You are now one step ahead of me. While Ethan’s started growing within a week and continues to grow, I have yet to plant it in a bigger pot. So kudos to you!