I had been working on this post for a while. I had been waiting, hoping it would not be necessary. Days are ticking by and I have yet to find a companion blogger for the upcoming BlogHer 2010 conference taking place this August in New York City.
I am going.
I’ll be one of at least 1500 bloggers attending, and though I have made quite a few connections through this blog, none of them are attending the conference. The only ones I have heard of who will be there are the “A List” bloggers, the ones with thousands of followers and at least 100 comments per post. Sure, I know of them and I enjoy their blogs, but they do not know me and they do not read mine.
Oh, of course I have it in the back of my head that I could walk right up to some of my favorites, like Mom-101, Sundry, or The Blogess and say “Hi, I’m Maria from Mom et al, and I think you are a kick ass writer!” *Have I told you I SUCK at networking?* I could totally pull that off and would attempt do so sans any starry-eyed gushing. No problem, right? They are just people after all, and I believe in myself enough to know that I deserve to be there among them.
Positive affirmation: I can do this.
But there are moments; wide awake in the middle of the night quiet moments when my brain shouts at me, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?” I can walk up and say hello, but then what? Stand there smiling and looking awkward before I run and hide under a table cloth? No, no, no. That will not do.
These A List Bloggers (an affectionate term for them from over here on the D List) have been writing for a long time and truly are considered celebrities within the blogging community. They have already formed their circles of friends and while I am certain they would smile and be gracious and say “thank you” for my compliments, they will not be spending their time with me, or with any of the other 1000+ bloggers just like me in attendance. I need to find my own circle of friends. Even just one would be nice. Lindsay at Suburban Turmoil warned that I could have a hard time at the conference on my own if I do not find companionship, and I fear she may be right.
Here I am a few months away from the conference with the ticket paid in full, hotel booked, vacation time reserved, a travel idea involving passage by train formulating, a mental packing list continuously evolving, and no one to talk to. No one to ask, “Hey, what are you wearing?” I’m crazy. I’m totally insane. What was I thinking? I cannot do this by myself. I am in desperate need of a buddy system.
Perhaps a heartfelt plea? A shot in the dark? OOOH! A classified ad!
WANTED: Blogger, equipped with a ticket to the BlogHer 2010 Conference in New York City, and seeking another blogging friend to share the experience. Reservations for CheeseburgHer and Sparklecorn a plus. If you share a love of blogging, all day meetings, food, and astounding conversation, contact Mom et al! A passion for beer and wine appreciated.
When I boldly signed up I concentrated on the fact that the conference is taking place only a few hours away from home, and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I refused to sit home again this year, green faced and watching everyone enjoy it over Twitter. I knew there had to be someone else out there who was just like me; alone, but compelled to take the chance and go anyway.
I simply have not found her yet.
Sometimes I am OK with that. What I am realizing, is getting through this trip traveling solo means as much to me as attending the conference. This is me producing the person I have always found myself too afraid to be. I do not like to be alone. I do not like to do things alone. I had spent years living in fear of what was out there. Sometimes the desire to isolate and hide still creeps in on me. What if I become lost? What if I do or say the wrong things? What if I am not accepted? What if I allow every childhood fear I have ever had to run amok?
I will not allow that to happen. I will go. I will have fun. I will get my extroverted ass out there and make friends. I will have the weekend away I dream this can be. I will converge with like minds and learn how to better my craft.
Or I could cower away in my hotel room, hiding in the bath tub and jumping in a fright when the maid service tries to enter.
Obviously there is a part of me who is still quite timid about this. As the conference draws closer I experience a range of emotions on a daily basis. At any time you could find me somewhere along this line:
Hyperventilation——What Have I Done——It Could Be Fun——I Got This Bitch
Blogging is an amazing vehicle for me. It has awoken a quiet strength. There is a bizarre safety behind these keys; something about being faceless that allows you to speak words on page with much more bravery than you would ever permit to pass through your lips. I have felt the change within me. It is as though the part of me here that can exclaim and admit and condone and celebrate just about anything through my fingertips is slowly tuning the cords of my larynx. Cords that have so often lay dormant are exercising, thickening. I believe this personal journey enabled me to find the courage to purchase that ticket. I just need to dig a little deeper and then let me out to benefit from the experience.
Positive Affirmation: I know I can do this.
Still, if you happen to be going to BlogHer and are looking for a friend…
If I were going to be there, I would totally be your friend! But unfortunately, I will be stuck in the heat of west Texas when BlogHer rolls around. Rats!
If it was in California, I'd be there with bells on and hanging with you. You are such a sweet and honest person. I have a feeling that with or without you having someone to hang with you, you will meet some great bloggers and friends that aren't A Listers only.
If only I could afford it! I would sooo be there!
Of course, you can do this. You're an awesome blogger. 1000 followers is just a number. If I lived in the US, I'd be honoured to attend the event with you.
Have a nice day!!
You really are an awesome blogger. YOU CAN DO IT! Man I wish the conference was cheaper…cuz just like Cari…I would soooo be there. Dude, but then I would get to meet YOU and you're so A-list to me!
You're gonna be great there!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!! If it was cheaper I, like Cari, would soooooo be there with ya! But then duuuuude….I would be like damn you're awesome and I suck lol. You're on my a-list!
Thank you Rae Ann! If it makes you feel any better, it was 96 degrees in MA today!!!
Simone, you're awesome. Thank you so much!
I'm not going to deny it Cari, it' not cheap. My husband still chokes a little on the cost. But I'm worth it! ; )
Veronica, thank you! I love your blog, and wish you did live in the US! But then I would miss the view into your side of the world too much. : )
Nicole, that is an amazing compliment., thank you. And you and the word “suck” do not belong in the same sentence!!! : )
I'll be at BlogHer, and I would be happy to have a buddy as well! Went to Chicago last year for my first BlogHer alone, met some fun people, and it was nice to feel like I wasn't always lost in the middle of the cool kids.
As a side note, I am always looking to meet other New England/Northeast bloggers in real life – so this is another great reason for us to meet up. Do you have a room mate? Travel plans? I'm still trying to finalize all the details – I had been waitlisted for my BlogHer pass until a few weeks ago and the Hilton is out of the discounted rooms. Let's connect to talk more about this – very exciting!
I can't think of anything more fabulous than going to this but I will be stuck here in Australia! I know you will enjoy every minute of it and I hope that it is everything you dreamed of and more!
Best wishes,
Natasha.
Well ur a lucky duck!! Im so jealous if only i could go
I'd be ur buddy LOL Good Luck finding someone though:) Following you from Friday follow
Nice to meet you Danielle! This is exactly what I was hoping to accomplish! I'll send you an email later today so we can start chatting!
I'm not going because of the price of going, but I live 20 minutes from NYC. If you happen to have any free time at all, I'd love to get together for lunch.
I love your blog and feel the same way that you feel about the other larger bloggers. 
Saying HEY from Friday Follow.
Of course we follow you through GFF, please make sure to stop in and do the same for us
http://momtobedby8.blogspot.com/2010/05/fridays…
If you walk up to me and say hi, I'm Maria from Mom et al, I'll give you a huge hug, because that's how bloggers roll. (I'm sure Linda and Jenny will do the same, although Jenny will be in her confidence wig so she might have to flip it out of the way first.)
In fact, I'm going to hold you to it. And if you don't find me and give me a hug, I'll jump on stage and grab the mic from Lisa Stone during breakfast and be all PAGING MARIA FROM MOM ET AL…PLEASE MEET ME BY THE CARB TABLE, THE ONE WITH THE CROISSANTS.
Just so you know.
*Squeals “Liz from Mom-101 commented on my blog!!!” and slumps to the floor.*
Seriously, thank you. I enjoy your blog not just for the exceptional writing, but also because of the exemplary person behind the blog. I’ll be looking for you near those croissants!
You can do this! I'm sure something will just appear.
Stopping by from Friday Blog Hop. I am now following. Hope you will stop by my blog and follow when you get a chance
Have a great weekend!
Tami
http://www.heartsmakefamilies.com
Tweeted your post to my followers. Hang in there, Sis!
Following you from Friday Follow Me.
Glad to have found you!
http://tsue-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com
First i envy you for being so brave. I am not going. I hate flying and live in MN, for one. The other reason is that I am just not that outgoing and probably would sit in a corner!
Mommy on the Spot is going. She also knows noone. http://mommyonthespot.blogspot.com/
Maybe you two can become friends?
Thank you Laura! I stopped by to say hello, and told her you sent me! : )
Aww I wish I could go but those things are always on the other side of the fucking country and ..
1. I fear flying
and
2. I'm poor…
Woe is me…
I think I fit your ad! I, too, am not goot at networking. I will email you with all my details!
Just stopping by to say hello
Quiet evening to myself as Chunk is fast asleep and hubby is out. Work event
I wish I could go, I would love to meet other bloggers that follow each others blog.
Come by and see Everything Mom and Baby
I'm going to be there and I look forward to meeting you. I'll e-mail you my contact info. This post describes exactly how I'm feeling inside.
Also, the closer the date comes, the more I'm worried. I'm like a turtle & a bit of a loner. It is soooo easy for me to go it alone -that's my safety zone. I know I'm going to have to push myself constantly to stand up tall & walk up to that group and introduce myself. Constantly. I'm hoping I can do this. I'm glad I have you -another first timer -to meet up with.
So happy to see all the responses to your tongue-in-cheek classified ad! I've been so out of the loop I didn't even know Blogher was nearby this year — missed opportunity. I've always wondered if many bloggers are more introverts than extroverts as we intro types tend to do better communicating in writing rather than in major social situations. The great thing about the conference though is that you will have so much in common with everyone, which should definitely make for some good conversations and ways to approach others. Can't wait to hear all about it — have fun!!!!