I have been listening to Elliott Smith a lot lately, and I’m having one of those chicken and the egg moments. I can’t tell if I’m listening to Elliott Smith so much because I am feeling down, or if I am feeling down because I am listening to Elliott Smith too much.
Tricky, tricky….
It all came to a head last evening. For the third night this week I was embarking on another failed attempt to spray off clumps of feces from underwear in the sink without touching any of it. Gagging on the smell of watered down poop so fresh it was still warm (which I swore I could still smell on my hands several hours after the rigorous antibacterial scrubbing) I had myself a much needed cry.
Whoever thinks potty training is easy can suck it.
After I had my ugly cry, I came to the shocking realization that I owe my daughter a rather substantial apology. You see, I have this tendency to label her as a rather difficult child. Everything is questioned. Everything is challenged; everything against the grain. She over-thinks, insists on finding her own way, and is stubborn as hell, but in truth these are all inherited qualities. I swear it’s from her father’s side of the family. *cough*
Despite all that, I now understand: Sofia was a potty training rock star. I had no idea how lucky I was. I had NO IDEA how easy she made that process.
That girl went through underwear boot camp and was trained in a week with minimal accidents, just like our daycare promised. The boy on the other hand is putting me through hell.
We got the note about six weeks ago from the director that they wanted to start him on underwear since he was willing to go on the potty while he was at school. For all intensive purposes they considered him ready. And apparently at school he was. There were several accidents at first, but they have become few and far between.
Home is another matter. The boy finally agrees to pee on the potty with relative consistency. Getting him to go number two on the potty, however, has been a total nightmare. He goes just fine at school but at home he makes that drop in his underwear every time.
Last night we made it home and to the potty in time to pee. I praised him and inquired, “Do you need to poop?” I got a resounding NO so I sent him on his way, breathing a sigh of relief that I should be able to get him through dinner without an accident. Ten minutes later as I was sitting him down to eat I smelled it.
So here is where I ask for your advice. He understands and recognizes that feeling when he needs to move his bowels. He goes just fine at school when nature comes a calling. He could not give a rat’s ass about sticker charts or any form of positive reinforcement that will inspire him to make that deposit in the toilet. I truly believe we are in one of those battles of will where the final step towards potty training is in his control and he will relinquish it for no prize.
Every night I am hopeful that we will make progress. Then as I am getting an up close and personal second viewing of last night’s dinner, the Elliott Smith part of me resurfaces and assures me that I am doing something wrong here and am therefore destined to clean up his shit and suffer forever. *sigh*
Suggestions welcome.
Is he pooping at school at all or is he saving it for home? Boys are absolutely more difficult with potty training than girls (on average, of course.) Branigan did great with the boot camp when it came to peeing. When it came to good ole numer two, he actually refused to do it. He would make himself constipated for days! I eventually started demanding that he spend some serious time on the toilet “working it out.” It eventually worked but it did take some time. I don’t believe he ever went in his pants. He just wouldn’t go at all! I wish you lots of luck. It is so hard to find that “gem” of a motivation that will finally do it.
He has pooped successfully many times at school. He’s pretty regular and will go 1-2 times per day so it’s difficult to pinpoint if he’s going to need to go at home. He’s not holding it in at all, he just doesn’t care if he goes in his pants at home. At school he just goes when everyone else goes so there doesn’t appearto be any clues to success. Argh!!!
I agree… hands down!!! Potty training S-U-C-K-S!!!! So sorry my friend! My pediatrician would probably say not to stree too much, he will not poop in his pants still in HS. It all passes. Yup, he’s always right… ugh!!! Good luck!!!
Oh, man! So sorry that I have not advice. Hang in there! *hugs*
Hope I don’t sound like I’m bragging here but my boys just went straight from diapers to commode! They didn’t even use the potty. I attached the inner ring thingy to the toilet seat and it worked like a charm! My mom-in-law who was babysitting my nephew at that time was rolling her eyes at me when I wasn’t toilet training my elder son who was the same age as my nephew. She was already potty- training him at a very young age and it turned out son that my son was more ready for the toilet than my nephew who continued using the potty until he was quite old. The point here is – I don’t believe in toilet trainning – you’re ready when you’re ready! Hope this advice helps!!
Ah, I think we have a cultural confusion of words going on.
Here is the states while there is such a thing as a training potty, for all intensive purposes when we refer to “going potty” it’s actually on the toilet. He hated the ring and went right to the normal seat. He just wont poop in it. 
But I am so happy for you that you had an easier time with your boys, because I do not wish this level of suck on any mom!
That is comforthing Bethany. In 10 years I will be in the clear!
Thanks Erin. *sigh*
If it is a battle of wills- why not remove the conflict? Let him use underwear at pre-school/daycare. The minute you get home, put in a diaper (not pullups as they are too much like underwear). Give it a couple of months and then try again at home.
It’s like I read your mind! The past few nights I have been putting him in a diaper, and it’s saved me some sanity. That being said it was also hindering his ability to get to the potty in time to urinate…which he will do on his own. I think it’s actually going to be better if I put him in the pull ups so that number 2 is contained and he can continue with his pee success. Thank you for your comment!
That makes sense too. (We actually used pull ups for a good 4 months at night even when there were no accidents.) There is usually something going on in their brains- even if it does not really make sense. When she was older I would ask my daughter why she was doing/had done something. And there was always a reason in her mind. Like if she cleaned up one particular multi part toy (that we asked her to do regularly), then we would stop buying the “right milk”. It made no sense to us, but the association was somehow in her brain and it did to her. Sigh. Good luck.
One last comment. I wonder if he is afraid of falling in when he is sitting down?