I was driving to pick up my daughter from school yesterday, when on route I passed over 20 high school-aged kids standing on the side of the road. They were huddled in small groups; many were hugging, bunches of flowers were piled at their feet. It was an unmistakable indicator that something terrible had happened to someone much too young.
I easily located the news article when I got home, and found that it was a local teen from a neighboring town. She had been out with a friend driving at 3:20 in the morning on Saturday night, only three months after she had obtained her license. The police suspect she was speeding and lost control of the car; her friend was ejected from the rollover but survived, she was trapped in the car and pronounced dead at the scene. She was only 16 years old, may she rest in peace.
You can question for hours what she was doing there and who is to blame. There is a curfew for drivers under 18, and a law against having other teens in the car without adult supervision for new drivers. Not to mention that it was three in the morning! What was she doing going for a sandwich at three in the morning? Did anyone even know she and her friend were leaving the house? It is so easy to stand aside and judge; so easy to tell yourself that your kid would never do such a thing and suffer a similar fate.
But I remember when I was 16, and while I was actually a rather compliant kid there are definitely a few things my parents didn’t know about that I most certainly should not have been doing. I knew a bunch of very ‘good’ families whose kids were extremely fortunate that luck was on their side for much of their adolescent shenanigans. My questionable behavior didn’t come until my early 20’s when I really should have known better. I know that I tempted fate more times than I would like to admit, and I have no excuse for it. That’s the sort of thing that terrifies me when I think of my own children.
That is why all that I wanted to do when I got her home was hold my six year old daughter, and tell her all the things that I know she does not need to hear yet.
Things like, do not speed. It is better to be late than dead. It is better to be tardy or get in trouble for being somewhere you’re not supposed to be, than to kill or maim someone else. Besides, if you get pulled over for speeding you’re going to be even later than you were to start with, and your father and I are not paying your tickets or car insurance increases. And I don’t care if it doesn’t look cool; keep your hands on the wheel at 10:00 and 2:00, and not on your cell phone.
Oh, and do not do your makeup in the rearview mirror while driving. That story about me not noticing the police officer trying to pull me over for a half mile because I was too busy putting on my eyeliner is not funny. Not even when I was pounding on the dashboard because I thought the low siren was coming from a glitch in my tape deck.
What is a tape deck? Go to your room.
But before you do, promise to never, ever, drink and drive. Never, ever, get in a car with a driver who has had a drink. Call me and I will come get you. I promise not to yell at you in front of your friends and will wait until the next morning. Call me. Call your father. If you must, call a cab. Just get home to us safely.
If you are going to disobey curfew, and you will have a curfew, remember that nothing good happens after 2 a.m. You shouldn’t be out there anyway. You should have been in bed hours ago. Just go home.
For good measure, and we might as well go all out, if you’re going to do ‘the deed’ make sure he wears a condom. Tell him to bag or sag it. Trust me when I say it could be the biggest two minute mistake of your life. Don’t believe me? As soon as you get yourself a boyfriend, on your next grounding I will make you watch hours upon hours of A Baby Story followed by a marathon of Nanny 911.
Deep breaths and a silent plea to the powers that be.
I don’t know how, and the prospect scares the hell out of me, but when the time comes we will get you through the stage of adolescence well educated, un-impregnated, drug free, STD clear, and most importantly, alive and well. I’ll do my part. Just please, promise me you’ll do yours.
Now go play with your Barbies.
Girl, parenting is so hard, especially when they hit their teens! When you hit the point where you realize that you’ve done all that you can and they are now old enough to make their choices, is when you can sit back and relax. Keep your communication always open…never being judgemental yet being a friend as well a as mom. She will trust that she can always come to you. It’s a scary world we live in and what you feel is what so many others feel as well.
You know you can sit back and relax, but do you actually do it?