Not only is MSF currently dedicating a great deal of their resources towards treating the injured in Haiti since the earthquake, they were already in Haiti.  They established offices there and have been treating the Haitian people for the past 19 years.  Although their offices and medical facilities were damaged, and a number of their staff injured, they were one of the first responders and were treating patients in make shift triages within the first few hours of the quake.  They are in the process of bringing further resources, floating hospitals, and more staff into the country.  Please take a few moments to read their website and follow more of the noble work these doctors and nurses are conducting right now, through aftershocks, all the while risking their own lives to help the people of Haiti. 

This is an organization that I believe in.  Our donations will continue to allow MSF to aid the people of Haiti and many other people throughout the world.  Thank you again for your support!  I personally feel as though I was able to do something to help those in need, and it is a wonderful feeling.

It is so easy to look away.  With the enormity of this world it is too easy to shut yourself off and tell yourself, if it is not happening in my neighborhood, in my street, in my home, it is simply not out there.  We tell ourselves we are living in a protected world, that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to us.  But what if it did?  What kind of help would you hope for? 

I try to do what I can, when I can, but I admit that too often the extent of my aid is a silent prayer for those in need.  I’ve got a family, I’ve got a mortgage, I’ve got daycare expenses; I’ve got a budget.  I’ll also stop and buy myself a book or a cd whenever it suits my fancy.  Realistically I know that I cannot help those in need all the time, but this time around I’m going to give what I can.  I’m also enlisting you to help!

(I’ve seen this logo around a lot today, so I don’t know who gets credit. Let’s call it a friendly blogger borrow)

Today is what we call Delurker Day in the blogging community.  I’m a stat counter junkie.  I know there are a lot of you out there who read my blog and do not comment.  That’s fine, I get it, I lurk a lot on other blogs myself.  Today, however, I’m asking you all to come out.  Today I will donate $1 for every comment in the comment section of this blog post to Doctors Without Borders to directly support the efforts of MSF in Haiti.  I would love to give as much as I can, but on the off chance the word REALLY gets out there I need to put a cap on the first 100 comments, lest my husband truly have a heart attack, and I have to bank another $150 for an ER visit.  This is what I feel I can do right now.  If you are not able to donate yourself, comment in my section with your thoughts for those who are suffering right now and you can know you’ve helped.  After you comment on my blog, head on over to Modern Matriarch and comment on her post, where she also mentions several other ways you can help. She was my inspiration and the one who stirred me to do my part today.  I believe that every little bit counts.  Let’s do this little bit to help others together.

It takes full time exposure to young children to realize that sometimes kids from time to time will simply act totally bonkers.  That energy needs to go somewhere.  I believe it is in general a parent’s job to guide that energy so that it is acted out in the best possible manner; through exercise and appropriate play.  In the winter months of New England, however, that is not always an easy feat to accomplish. 

I worry sometimes when we go out in public that I have “Those Kids”.  You know who they are:  The ones who are unruly, all over the place, and impossible to control.  I’ve had a little experience with this at social functions.  They get so excited, or sometimes are just so plain bored, that they start running all over the place, chasing after each other, and causing general mayhem.  Here is where I, the parent, need to make certain judgment calls.  They are having a blast running around a room in circles as they squeal through laughter.  Should I choose to do so, which I usually do, I become more and more harried looking as I chase after them in efforts to stop them from collision with nearby objects, inanimate and otherwise.  I call after them, repeating their names over and over, telling them to watch out, be careful, no running, stop pushing, and my personal favorite, “YOU MUST CHILL!!!”  Sometimes it works; sometimes I fall on deaf ears.  Sometimes I wonder if I should even be bothering.  Look at them having fun! If they aren’t hurting anyone why not let them have at it?  That won’t help, however, when an eventual disaster does in fact befall them.  As a parent trying to find my way in this, I often find I walk a very thin line between reining them in and allowing them to fully enjoy their free play. 

Last week my husband and I took the kids to a little get together with our friends and their children.  Both of my kids know the home and the people in attendance very well.  There is a huge playroom for the seven younglings in attendance (all between ages two and five) to romp around to their hearts’ content.  The parents enjoy a little reprieve in the nearby kitchen where they can actually hear each other speak.  It was a wonderful afternoon, yet every now and then a select number of the kids would burst forth from the room and chase each other around the house.  This prompted a chorus of mothers to holler at the passerby’s to GET THEE BACK TO THE PLAYROOM!  Sometimes they listened, sometimes they just kept running.  But the one who kept running the most was mine.  The one who kept pushing, shoving, knocking kids out of the way, screaming in an unmistakable (and sometimes painful) outdoor voice, and running in the opposite direction of any visible parental authority the most, was MINE. 

I felt like I was constantly on her, constantly telling her to calm down, constantly ridiculing her actions.  It bothered me so much to have to do it.  They were all a little out of control, but she was overly out of control.  I tried talking to her, I tried yelling to her, I tried taking her out of the environment for a little cool down in a quiet room, but that only brought on the tantrums.  I was at a loss so I called in the big guns.  I called in Daddy.  Daddy didn’t have much luck either. 

But here’s the thing.  While I felt she was for lack of a better word being a general turd, my friends didn’t see her as being all that bad.  Yes, she wasn’t being nice at times.  Proof of that were the three smaller children she checked into walls and door frames and made cry all within a 10 minute period.  No denying she was a little crazy, “but they are all being crazy”, I was told.  One friend was ecstatic her son was finally on the receiving end of a bully-ship and was glad he was getting a taste of his own medicine.  It was later kindly suggested that I was overreacting. 

I can take that to heart.  It does make me think, was I being too hard on her?  Am I too controlling?  I also do not want to be that parent I have seen at playgroups who lets their kid run amuck, looking away while their angel is mean to other children, and ticking off the other parents whose kids have become the ill recipients of their wild one’s antics.  Yet at the same time, I do not want to be overbearing.  Where do I truly fall in this picture?  Do I inadvertently stifle in my attempts to guide proper action instead of allowing the kids to exert themselves and work out their own play relationships?  Or am I fulfilling my duty as their parent to show them the way?  Wow, it’s a very fine line; one that perhaps I will always have trouble teetering.

Mom et al: Well, first I have a clown nose my daughter got from the Circus.

Host: I see, and you’ve had that in your bag since the night of the show?

Mom et al: Yes, but she wears it from time to time. She just likes me to hold onto it.

Host: Sure, I can see how that would be important to have on you at all times.  You never know when you may have a clown nose emergency.  What else have you got there?

Mom et al:  Well, these are just some hair elastics.  I never know when my daughter might like me to put her hair up in a pony tail.

Host:  Yes, that’s a good point.  How many have you got in there?

Mom et al:  Five.  But they are all different colors! It is important to match her hair elastics with her outfits.

Host:  Of course, what was I thinking?  What’s next?

Mom et al:  Some mittens for my son.  They have no thumbs, they are a little small and he hates them, but he has a tendency to lose his good ones at daycare.  I like to have an extra pair on me.

Host: Now that’s what I call being prepared!  Anything else?

Mom et al:  Oh yes.  This is a bracelet my daughter got for Halloween.  It’s orange and has little ghosts and pumpkins on it.

Host:  Very cute, but Halloween was two months ago.

Mom et al: Yes, I know.  I suppose it’s possible it has been in there since her school’s Halloween party.

Host:  We may be on to something here.  It might be time to clean out that bag!  Is that all?

Mom et al:  Well, there’s a few binkies but those are nonnegotiable must haves.  I never go anywhere with my son without them.

Host:  Do you take the binkies to work?

Mom et al: Well, yes…

Host:  Moving on.  I think I see one more thing in there.  What’s that?

Mom et al:  That would be a lime green colored corvette matchbox car.  I have no idea how that got in there.

Host:  Or how long it’s been in there?

Mom et al:  Not a clue.

Host:  Well Folks, I think we’ve proven that this working mom takes a little bit of her kids with her everywhere she goes!  We’ll check back with her in a few months to see what else resides in that bottomless pit.  Join us next time for another episode of Say, What’s That in Your Bag?

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? We took a vacation with our best friends and rented a house in Virginia Beach.  We were five couples with a total of 9 children between us.  The house was like a mansion right on the beach; it was so amazing.  Man, I miss the kitchen.  I could get LOST in that kitchen. 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I can say for possibly the first time ever that I kept a resolution for an entire year.  I promised myself that I would reach and maintain my weight goal.  I hit it in July and have maintained it since; it was a lifestyle change of which I am very proud.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, there were a few January babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? We lost Grandpa this year.  He was 92 and lived a good long life.  Still, it was a tough blow for our family and we miss him.

5. What countries did you visit? HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!! I’ve got kids. 

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? A maid.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?  Wow, it’s pretty much a blur.  Grandpa’s wake and funeral will be a time I will always remember, but I’d have to look up the exact date to tell you when that was.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?  Managing work life, which included a major change with the shut down of my office, and home life together without going completely insane.

9. What was your biggest failure? My biggest failure was my reluctance to wean my boy off his bottle. He loves it so, and I just haven’t wanted to deal with it.  That and the many times I lost my patience with an ever obstinate and independent certain little four year-old.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Despite retaining my title as Household Klutz, I did manage to remain injury free; for the most part.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Well, we just got ourselves a Wii for Xmas, which will be a lot of fun.  The drum set we got for our 4 year old daughter is just plain cool, and really doesn’t drive us all that batty. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? That award definitely goes the Boy, for FINALLY sleeping through the night on a regular basis.  Thanks, Little Man.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I have a feeling a lot of bloggers who fill out this survey will have the same answer:  Balloon Boy’s parents.  Man did that tick me off, not only for wasting tax payer money and resources, but also for keeping me glued to the TV in agony at the thought of a young boy alone, thousands of feet up in the air, falling from sky to his death.  While I’m at it, there was also that Mommy Blogger that created an outrage by faking a story and posting on her blog and Twitter that the TSA took her son from her during a security check. 

14. Where did most of your money go? The same as last year…day-care.   That won’t change any time soon.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Verizon FIOS finally came to our area.  Yay!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? Probably that Romeo and Juliet song… is that by, Taylor Swift?  I choose this only because when I was on the Virginia Beach trip and went food shopping with the girls, I was the only one in the car who had never heard the song.  My Girlfriends knew every word.  I think I’m stuck in the 70s/80s/90s.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner

c) richer or poorer? Richer from a life perspective, but if we’re talking about finances, then I’m definitely poorer.  We need to stop asking this question right after Xmas.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Exercise. I’m still fairly fit, but I need to make more time for me.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stress.  I need to find my Chi again.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve was spent with my husband’s father at my sister in law’s, Christmas Day was spent at home with my dad’s side of the family, the Saturday after Christmas we took the kids to see Disney on Ice, and the Sunday after Christmas we went back to my sister in law’s to exchange gifts with my mother in law. I’m still exhausted.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Yes, I never thought it would happen, but I think from a movie perspective I’m Team Jacob.  (YES I KNOW, he’s only 17)

22. What was your favorite TV program? Dexter.  Hands down best show on TV, and it was an AWESOME season.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. My daughter used the word ‘hate’ towards an object recently, and it really bothered me.  It’s an ugly word, and I try never to hate.

24. What was the best book you read? If I got my act together I would have finished The Lost Symbol by now and perhaps I could report that it is the best book I have read this year, but alas I am still trying to get through it.  Instead I will choose Breaking Dawn.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That “I’ll be there” by the Jackson 5 transcends many generations.  My kids stop what they are doing every time that State Farm commercial comes on TV to sing along.  Listening to my daughter sing, “Where there is love, I’ll be there” swells my heart to burst every time.

26. What did you want and get? The Wii Fit!!!

27. What did you want and not get? A raise, but considering I survived three layoffs last year, I’ll just keep my mouth shut.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Star Trek.  WOW, what an awesome movie.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 36 and I remember it as being one of the worst birthdays I have had in a long time.  Total suckage, although I do think there was cake.  I have much hope for 37.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A maid.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Actually I was a little better this year on the fashion train.  I finally replaced the old baggy clothes I was wearing from before my weight loss, and made friends with Ann Taylor again.  Just call me Business Casual.

32. What kept you sane? Blogging, Facebook, Twitter, and my Husband.  Not necessarily in that order.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I still adore Michael Shanks, still miss James Marsters as Spike, continue to mourn Heath Ledger, and finally came out as a fan of Jim Cantore.  He’s my favorite Winter Weather Expert.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? I never talk politics.

35. Who did you miss? I still miss my friend Paul, I don’t think that will every change. I miss several coworkers that were let go this past year. It’s strange and sad when your work family is no longer with you every day, especially when it is not their choice to go.

36. Who was the best new person you met? There are a few very nice families that I met at Parent Group, but other then that I haven’t really met anyone new.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

• Parenting is still really, really, really hard sometimes, but mixed with a whole boatload of awesome moments.  It’s important to take stock, and remember the awesome.
• If you’ve got a mystery smell in your car, and you’ve checked everywhere for the location of that elusive bottle you think is hiding under a seat…check the car seat upholstery, because your two year old might just think it’s fun to tip the bottle upside down so it can drip, drip, drip on the fabric when you are not looking.
• If you are cheesy on-line video game obsessed, and stuck on level 21 of Fitz for the past 6 months, apparently if you Google the phrase, “Is it possible to get past level 21 of Fitz” you will not only find MANY people as crazy obsessed as you who are also stuck on level 21, you will also find a rare privileged few who made it to level 27, and are now stuck.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I had a really hard time with a song lyric this year. So I think I have to go with an oldie.  By my own unintentional design, and at the unfailing request from my ABBA obsessed daughter, I have listened to this song just about every day for the past 3 months, lest ALL HELL BREAK LOOSE for that 10 minute ride to day-care.

I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future, even if you fail

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream.

On behalf of myself and my family, I wish you a very Happy New Year.  May 2010 be filled with joy, and wonder.

While yes, all that was much to handle, I’ve been stomaching a much deeper fret.  The sleep patterns of my four year old had become a great concern, one that finally came to a head last week with a call to our family doctor.  A call I was frankly scared to make.  An answer I was too afraid to hear.

Around the time of Halloween, and shortly there after we started dealing with the “people” in Sofia’s bedroom.  These people were later clarified as pictures, dreams, or better stated, negative images born from a blossoming imagination.  The issue of the nighttime visitors, however, progressed from tears from my little one before bedtime, to a Nightmare on Elm Street style refusal to sleep, to waking with nightmares in the wee hours of the morning.  It is no exaggeration when I state that my little girl was padding to my bedside between the hours of 3:00 and 5:00 a.m. on a nightly basis for a month straight with tears in her eyes seeking comfort from her latest bad dream.  Yet it seemed that no comfort I could provide her was enough to make it stop. As the two of us lost more and more sleep from day to day, the situation became all the more desperate.

Just a few examples of the dreams: there have been bugs trying to bite her, friends not sharing their toys during outside play, and a really strange one with Elmo at sea in a thunderstorm with a bug swimming nearby.  We discussed each dream.  She understood that they were not real.  She accepted that they were just pictures and images.  I suggested to her that she try not to think about them anymore, and to focus on things that make her happy.  She claimed that she does try to do so, and with all the rationality of someone beyond her years, continued to explain to that choosing not think about them does not stop the dreams from coming once she falls asleep.

I’ve done the research.  These are not night tremors. She is not waking from sleep screaming or unaware of what is happening.  She can describe to me in great detail and clarity each nightmare she has immediately following each incident and for many, many days later.  While doctors agree that it is not uncommon for children her age to have nightmares during this period of development, the frequency of the incidents became alarming. 

There were no major changes in her life these past few months.  There was no alteration to her routine.  In general her days have been happy.  Our daycare has had nothing of concern to report.  So of course, as her mother I looked inward.  The major changes have been with me.  Who is the one who has been under an enormous amount of stress lately?  You betcha…me, me, and more me. 

I didn’t think I was exposing them to my current state of mind.  My boy had been acting fine.  She is an intuitive little girl, however, so it’s entirely possible my stress was rubbing off on her.  When I spoke to her doctor words such as anxiety disorder, and early stages of OCD were thrown about.  Really?  In a four year old?  MY four year old?  It just shouldn’t be so, and in that case I would much prefer the problem to be because of me.  The doctor and I tossed around ideas of books Sofia and I could read together to deal with the nighttime fears, discussions we could have together, and even the suggestion of a dream catcher which she may embrace given her vivid imagination. 

But what if the dream catcher didn’t work?  What if the books just scared her more?  What if I said all the wrong things and only made the situation worse?

Just as I was preparing to have the big talk, however, I began to notice a change.  The last few nights before Christmas when I found her in my room her level of distress didn’t quite seem so sincere.  I began to question if the action of waking from the nightmares was actually forming a pattern or routine.  Was she just becoming used to waking during that time, and coming to find me knowing that I would comfort her?  I do not doubt that there were times when she was genuinely afraid, but I found myself questioning, to what degree?

The night before Christmas Eve I had a talk with her.  I explained to her that everyone has bad dreams some times, even mommies.  I explained to her what I do when I have a bad dream: take a few deep breaths and think about people I love and things that make me happy before closing my eyes to go back to sleep.  I reminded her that if she is really scared and needs help she can come to me, but that maybe not every dream is so bad that she needs my help.  Perhaps she could see how she feels, and try to go back to sleep on her own.

It was with our doctor’s support, and with great trepidation that I suggested this.  I did not want to leave her with the impression that she could not come to me, but I also want her to become self actualized and strong, and to learn to believe in her own power.  I thought the chat went well, and she said that she would give it a try.

Was it the talk?  Was it the fact that my work stress for the most part has passed?  Was it the excitement of the holidays?  I’m not sure, but she has not come to my bedroom since.  I have some concern with the fact that she is stating she is not having bad dreams, as opposed to the acknowledgement that she had one and dealt with it.

It has been just short of a week but we are both finally getting some solid sleep.  Are we in the clear?  Has this stage of development passed?  Did I do the right thing?  I’m not counting my chickens yet, or my sheep for that matter.  Only time will tell.

Mickey Mouse, along side Minnie, was the Master of Ceremonies.  Even above the roar of the crowd I could still hear my little ones screaming his name in glee.  In addition to our favorite Mickey Mouse Club characters, just about every princess (the only one I don’t remember seeing was Aurora), and the much anticipated Incredible Family, the characters from Aladdin, Nemo, Toy Story, and Pinocchio all made appearances.

My favorite by far, however, was a short story of Mulan, which is in my opinion the best and most underrated Disney story.  In addition to a narration of the story, several of the best songs from the movie were performed.  The families in my section received an added bonus as my 4 year old daughter belted out “Reflection” and “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” at the top of her lungs.  Thankfully, they didn’t seem to mind as they were subjected to my 2 year old son screaming “WOW!” rather repeatedly throughout the entirety of the show. 

There are still two days left to attend the show, and tickets are available through Ticket Master.  If you are looking for something to do this vacation week, I highly recommend the show, a joy for the entire family.  Included below is a promotion for discounted tickets to the show.  Thank you Mom Central for such a rewarding experience.

I do not believe there is a child anywhere in the Boston/Providence area (OK, plenty of adults too) who would not go head-over-heels gaga to go see Disney on Ice presents 100 Years of Magic.  For my four year old, this is a dream come true.  Given that the show is coming to town right after Holidays, Christmas for this little girl will just keep on going.  The promise of seeing Mickey, Minnie, and her favorite princesses is sure to bring many a night of sweet dreams to come.

While I am psyched for my family, I am equally thrilled for one of my lucky readers.  Mom Central is providing me with a family four pack of tickets to give away!  I therefore am proud to announce my second giveaway contest. 

Disney on Ice

100 Years of Magic

Date:    Saturday, December 26, 2009

Time:    7:00 PM

Where: TD Garden, Boston

Contest Rules:

The winner must live within 100 miles of Boston.

To enter, submit a comment on this post and tell me who your children’s favorite Disney characters are. 

The contest will run through 5:00 PM on Friday, December 11, 2009.  The winner will be contacted via email for instruction on how the tickets will be received.

Bonus Entries (please post a separate comment for each bonus entry with a link if applicable):

1. Subscribe via email.
2. Join my site via Google Friend Connect.
3. Follow my blog via Networked Blogs (Facebook account required).
4. Post a link to this giveaway on Twitter.  Post a comment with your Twitter account profile, i.e. http://twitter.com/Mom_et_al.
5. Submit a blog post about this giveaway with a link to the post, http://mom-et-al.com/2009/12/giveaway-contest-disney-on-ice.  Post a comment with the link to your post.

The winner will be selected via an online random generator.  Your number assignment will be your comment number, so be sure to enter a comment for each individual bonus entry.

Good Luck!  Even if you don’t win the contest, fear not! I also have a promotional offer to share with you through Ticketmaster for discount tickets to the show.  Click on the link below to open the PDF file (free Adobe Reader here) or the image to open the jpg file.

Disney on Ice presents 100 Years of Magic:

My husband is my rock.  He has been my best friend for 13 years, and sometimes he knows me better than I know myself.  He loves me for all that I am (including clumsy) and stands by me even when I am a bonehead.  He builds me up when I do not have enough confidence, calls me out on my shit when I am wrong, and forgives my indiscretions (I steal covers) which happen more than I like to admit.  We take each other with love, flaws and all, and for that I am ever thankful.

My daughter; I do not know how to begin to describe the wonder and amazement that this child has brought to my existence.  Our days are filled with laughter and song.  She has the world at her feet and she relishes the discovery.  She is observant, thoughtful, sweet, vibrant, startlingly clever, my pride and joy.  Life before she entered this world was simply not as bright.

My son, my darling boy; my heart spills with the knowledge that this adorable little person is mine.  He has the sweetest soul.  At the young age of two he is already so giving and kind hearted.  When he hugs me he wraps his tiny arms around my neck and squeezes ever so tightly, as though he never wants to let go.  His easy going nature shines through as he romps through his day, following his sister, gabbing away while he plays.  He pauses to make sure I am watching and gives me a smile that lights up his entire face.  That one little smile can make any wrong in my day melt away in an instant.  His first talent to emerge is the ability to make others happy, just by being near him.

There has been a lot of stress in my life lately.  Changes on the job front, general financial concern, worry over the health of my family, and the recent loss of a loved one has been rattling around in my brain for the better part of the last six months.  All these things have left me feeling overwhelmed, mostly due to what little control I have over each situation.  I could wallow in these stressors, sink deep into fear of the unknown, or I could reread my last three paragraphs and take stock in what I have.  I have a loving family.  We have a beautiful home.  My husband and I for the foreseeable future have stable employment.  We want for nothing.  My children are happy and healthy.  We are all happy and healthy.  I want to remember this the next time I feel my life spinning, and remain thankful for what I have; a wonderful life with everyone I need by my side.