Step 1: It wasn’t me.

My dad mentioned some story that I didn’t pay much attention to about a tree and some woods, but that’s not important right now. The most important thing you can remember is if they didn’t see you do it, you can blame your brother. Proceed with caution! When using this important skill to get out of unrolling toilet paper all over the bathroom floor or dropping a bowl of Cheerios on the rug, be sure the intended offender is not within your parental unit’s direct line of sight. If there is reasonable doubt you should succeed, however, if your brother is having his diaper changed at the time of the offense your plan could severely backfire.

Step 2: I am right, and you are wrong.

Adults will try and correct you from time to time. They will try and tell you some silly nonsense such as the sky is blue not green, or fire is hot not cold. I just laugh and tell them, “I am right and you are wrong.” They may try to further explain their incredibly wrong ideas and claim to have greater knowledge power just because they are older. I find that if you stick to your point and just keep telling them over and over that they are wrong, they will eventually get frustrated and drop the subject. This will leave you with one last opportunity to say, “See, I told you I was right.”

Step 3: I WAS right, and you WERE wrong.

Parents mess up A LOT. It is important to remind them when they make mistakes as often as possible. That way they will remember not to do it again in the future. I make sure I remind my mom all the time about when she forgot to send my hat and gloves to school leaving me cold on the playground. I also mention that time she forgot to send my baby pictures to school and I was the only one who did not have them for show and tell. This past week I have made a point to remind her whenever possible of that time last weekend when I said my tummy hurt in the middle of the night; she didn’t believe me and an hour later I threw up all over my bed. I TOLD HER my tummy hurt. That’s why I threw up. I was right, and she was wrong.

Another good tip: make sure you remind your brother of when your parents were wrong. He needs to know about these things too. My favorite time of day to remind him is in the morning in his bedroom when everyone else is still in bed. That way Mom and Dad can hear over the monitor as well, and be reminded all about when they were wrong. I hear this is called multi-tasking, and I am great at it.

Remember, practice makes perfect! Try working on your skills in front of the mirror. I find it very motivational. Join me next time when we discuss complex ways of framing your brother and effective methods for stalling at bedtime to help you stay up late. This is Sofia, I am four years old and I am Queen of my castle.

The students, all of which have an otherwise clean record and many of which are 18, received a 7:30 curfew pending case review next month and face disciplinary action at school.  The boys admitted to the police that they did this, but stated that it was a practical joke with no intention of causing harm.  There is no denying that they were lucky.  The exact chemical makeup within the soda bottles has not been disclosed, however, the fact that the explosion had enough force to severely damage the mailbox is enough proof that someone could easily have gotten hurt.

Naturally the comments on the online newspapers have gone rabid.  Some take the stance these boys committed acts of terrorism, and in the face of a post 9/11 world there should be zero tolerance for their actions.  Others take the stance that these are good kids, from good families, who have never committed a previous crime.  They state that though the boys made a very bad decision no one was hurt, and while they should be held accountable they should not be sent to prison for what could have happened.

So let’s think about this.  Think back to when you were 18, or if you have teenage children consider them.  If you made this stupid, stupid mistake, would you support a maximum sentence if you or your child had committed this act?  And think about if it was your mailbox, or your car.  Would your stance be that these boys should go to prison for the destruction of your property or for the possibility that you could have been harmed?

If convicted, do these boys need to be punished?  I believe absolutely yes, they do.  Should prison be their sentence?  Will they come out better citizens, making a positive contribution to society if their college education (some of which I hear have scholarships that could be lost) is delayed, possibly even permanently?  I do not pretend to know enough about the inside walls of our correctional institutions beyond the one semester I took of criminal psychology, but I do feel I know enough to say that these boys would be drastically changed, and it will not for the better.  This one horribly misguided evening will not end their lives, but if they are sent to prison for an extended period of time, it could very well lead them to a path of further destruction.  And please let me clarify, I do not hold this opinion because they are considered otherwise “good kids from good families”; I say this for any first time teenage offender who just made the biggest mistake of his life.

I’m sure I would have a different opinion if someone was hurt, or worse if their actions had taken a life.  And I’m sure some would argue, what’s to stop the next group of kids from doing the same thing if these boys get off so lightly?  There are others who would say these are not boys.  These are 17 and 18 year olds on the brink of manhood, and it’s time to start acting like adults.  These are all valid points.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if these boys, as part of a hefty community service requirement (and fines for the destruction of property), were to speak out in public to other teens to discuss their mistakes, how they almost lost everything, and what they have learned as a result?  I hope that the judge responsible for deciding the fate of these boys will consider not only the crime and the risk to the well being of themselves and others, but also the actual result of the damage.  Not just the destruction of property that took place, but also the future of the nine lives at stake. 

This is my opinion.  I would love to hear yours.

There are days, there too many days when we move through the routine of our lives without even noticing that with each passing hour they are growing.  Rise, clean, dress, breakfast, lunch prep, clean, carpool, home, dinner, clean, baths, clean, bedtime, stories, sleep.  Mixed within are many silly moments together during those few hours we have before work and in the evenings before bed, but there are also so many hectic moments where I find myself scrambling them from one must-do task to the next.  How limited our time together feels.  It seems as though I blinked and my little girl is four and telling me on a daily basis that she is right and I am wrong; already so certain that she knows more about the world than I ever will.  Somewhere along the way I turned, and my two year old son found his words and began to tell me about his day.  Soon he will not be as keen to snuggle with me in our quiet mommy/son moments.  Soon like my daughter he will want to walk on his own, content to stray away from his mother’s grasp.  I did not realize until recently when he insisted on walking up the stairs to bed instead of resting heavily in my arms, how very much I am beginning to grieve the passage of time.  I did not realize until that moment how much I need to carry him, and to my dismay how it is oh so much more than he needs to be carried.  With eyes stinging and a lump in my throat, I followed behind him with arms at the ready up every cautious step. 

I have been putting off a certain rite of passage with regards to my son.  While he is quite capable drinking from a cup, I have fallen a bit behind schedule when it comes to weaning him off the bottle.  His older sister was easy.  I just stopped giving it to her and she barely batted an eye.  There was no emotional investment for her or a need to continue using it.  My son is a bit different.  He loves his “ba-ba”.  We’ve tried a few times to deny him and put his milk in a cup instead, and the result was the very few instances that he has ever thrown a tantrum.  He is one very easy going little dude, except when he is hungry and except when he wants his bottle. 

So why not push through it like we did sleep training for both children, or potty training for my daughter?  Why not stand our ground and as my husband and I jokingly refer to it, “get him off the sauce”?  He is ready. He is already biting holes in the nipples with his strong and full set of teeth.  I am sure if we stuck to our guns that within a few weeks he would accept our decision to take the bottle away.  I am sure if we can deal with the tearful protests he would get over it, and eventually even forget about it.  I know the problem is with me.  I know I am not ready for him to let go of that one last action that truly defines him as a baby. 

 I never fully understood until now what it meant when someone was referred to, like I was, as the baby of the family.  He is my last, and will never, ever stop being my baby. I can foresee many times ahead where I will struggle to let go, every step in his life taking him further and further away from my reach.  How will I handle it when I am no longer the most important person in his world?  I do not know that answer, but here’s hoping it will be therapy free for both parties.

What I love about the Disney On Ice productions is that every time we go there are different themes, sightings of new and older yet endearing characters, and varying compilations of our most beloved Disney songs.  Listening to my daughter sing at the top of her lungs while waving to her favorite princesses is simply priceless.  Looking at this face, there’s no denying the joy:

In this Production of Disney On Ice: Let’s Celebrate! there were indeed visits from just about all the princesses.  It was a treat to see their newest addition Tiana, along with music from Princess and the Frog.  While my daughter may have enjoyed the princesses most, the holiday celebration that was the theme of this show brought us some interesting characters.  Alice and Wonderland, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Toy Story all made appearances.  Of course Mickey and Minnie were the stars with their Club House friends, but we also got a taste of some rarely seen foes, including Maleficent and Cruella De Vil.  Sofia pointed and screamed out each name as they positioned themselves front and center.  My favorite scene however, was the celebration of Valentine’s Day in which the princesses skated with their partners to That’s How You Know from Enchanted.  

If you live in the Southern New England area and are looking for some family fun this February vacation, I highly recommend the show.

TD Garden – FEB. 12 – 21

SCHOOL VACATION WEEK!

Disney On Ice presents Let’s Celebrate! It’s one colossal party on ice, with all your favorite Disney friends!  Join Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse as they celebrate a Very Merry Unbirthday Party with Alice and the Mad Hatter; a Royal Valentine’s Day Ball with the Disney Princesses, including Cinderella, Ariel and Tiana; a Hawaiian luau with Lilo & Stitch; a winter wonderland with Woody and Buzz Lightyear from Disney/Pixar’s Toy Story; a Halloween haunt with the Disney Villains and more in a magical medley of holidays, celebrations and festivals from around the globe.  Come join the party when this spectacular ice show visits your hometown! 

A SPECIAL OFFER FOR YOU!

Purchase a 4-pack of tickets for only $44 for weekday shows, or receive $4 off weekend tickets by logging onto www.ticketmaster.com and entering the promotional code: MOM.*

TD Garden show dates:

Friday, February 12 – 7pm**

Saturday, February 13 11am and 3pm

Sunday, February 14 12NOON and 4pm

Monday, February 15 – 11am and 3pm

Tuesday, February 16 – no shows

Wednesday, February 17 – 1pm

Thursday, February 18 – 11am and 3pm

Friday, February 19 – 1pm and 7pm

Saturday, February 20 – 11am and 3pm

Sunday, February 21 – 12NOON and 4pm

*Get 4 tickets for $44 Monday-Friday matinee or $4 off weekend Friday evening – Sunday. Use promo code “MOM” at time of purchase by phone 1-800-745-3000 or visit www.ticketmaster.com.  Minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Front Row, VIP or CLUB seats. Cannot be combined with other offers. Additional service charges, facility fee, & handling fees will apply.

**Friday, February 12th 7pm performance is our Opening Night performance and all Tickets are $15 (no code required and excluding Front Row, VIP and CLUB seating)!!!

I wasn’t the most popular kid in school.  I had friends, of course, but there were only a few individuals that I kept close to me.  In actuality I detested school.  So often I found people cruel and judgmental.  At a young age I had found myself fiercely in love, and when that love ended in an inevitable heart break, I found the world around me all the more harrowing, so often mocking me in my pain. 

Blah, blah, blah, right?  So far my story is everything ordinary.  All the painful rights of passage that one must experience throughout adolescence were present and accounted for throughout every dreadful year.   Yet there was one fateful day that showed me cruelty at its worst.  This is one of the most humiliating experiences of my childhood; I share it with you in hopes of provoking thought. 

I recall it was a sunny day outside the walls of my classroom.  I sat in the row closest to the windows paying little attention to the lecture going on before me.  I recall that I was melancholy as I watched the trees swaying in the breeze.  I cried softly while I stared out the window, doing my best to hide my face from my teacher.  The timeline for me is a little skewed so I do not recall the source of my angst at that time, but chances are it was with regards to a certain boy.  For me it was always about a certain boy.

I knew that there was snickering from the boys behind me, boys that I had been going to school with for over a decade.  I paid them little attention until one of the voices was very close to my ear.  “Jump”, he whispered.  I turned my attention now to what he was saying and realized that he was speaking to me.  “Go on, do it. Jump.  You know you want to.  Just get it over with and end it already.”  The other boys laughed at the proposal of my suggested suicide.  His taunting continued until the bell rang.  I never once turned around; I never spoke to them.  I just continued staring out the window, wishing I could disappear.

OK, for someone who was just having a bad day, negative remarks from a fool who was merely showing off to his friends is really not that big a deal.  But for a teenager whose world was crushing around her at the time, it could have been fuel for the fire.  Thankfully no, I had no desire to end my life that day.  But there are all too real stories of kids out there who would find that kind of treatment as a last straw and see it through.  That’s called bullying.  It’s very real, and it happens everywhere. 

When I first joined Facebook I was hesitant.  I wasn’t all too sure I really wanted to reconnect with people from grade school.  But I am such a different person now from who I was back then, and I was willing to bet that a lot of other people were changed as well.  I came to enjoy reconnecting with so many people.   There are some people I speak to more online now than I ever did in high school.  That’s the good part of Facebook. 

Here’s the bad:  A few days ago I caught wind of an open group on FB that was started for the soul purpose of gathering people to vent and make negative comments about an individual we went to school with whom they found annoying for reasons such as putting too much personal information on their status or commenting too often.  No matter how innocently funny some of the people who joined this group found the page to be, it’s a hate group.  I repeat it is a Hate. Group.  There is also another phrase for it, and it’s called cyber bullying.  These are adults, not children.  Never did I imagine I would see such a horrible thing among my own peers, twenty years after high school is over.

Naturally this person found out about it, as did this person’s family and friends.  It appears as though this person is strong and while hurt by the things being said will get beyond it.  But the pain, the humiliation…it breaks my heart.

The purpose of this was not to get all soap boxy, and I certainly don’t want to sensationalize it by calling personal attention to the group itself.  I am intentionally not mentioning names and ask that anyone who knows personally what I am referring to refrain from commenting with specifics.  To anyone thinking that this isn’t a big deal, this is my perspective:

If my children were older and I found out that one of them had created or joined a group as a forum for speaking ill things about another person, there is no depth to the level of disappointment I would have in my child.  If one of my children was the subject of a group created as a forum for speaking ill things about him or her, there would be no depth to the level of rage I would have for those persons who hurt my child.  I do not care how much you do not like a person. I do not care how much a person annoys you.  It’s cruel.

I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual person.  I believe in a concept that is as old as man.  All religions have a different take on it, but the basic premise is harm none, do what ye will.  I try to live by that.  Obviously I do not always succeed.  I have been the cause of tears in others throughout the course of my life, and for that I have many regrets.  But I try to be a good person.  In general it is not a hard thing to do.  I have long forgiven those boys who snickered at me in class.  I do not believe they meant to cause me actual harm.  The little girl that hurt my daughter, it was innocent.  There was no intentional harm in her statement.  There will be a day, however, when cruel words will be said to my child, and I will be waiting to comfort her just the same as I did for that minor offense.  

While some did, I do not believe that many of the people who joined that group meant to cause harm.  But they aren’t children anymore.  These are adults setting an example for others, and in my opinion doing it poorly.  This world with so many problems will only get better if each person does their part to make it a better place.  It starts with simple acts of kindness.  Let’s be excellent to each other, people.  It’s easy if you try.

Not only is MSF currently dedicating a great deal of their resources towards treating the injured in Haiti since the earthquake, they were already in Haiti.  They established offices there and have been treating the Haitian people for the past 19 years.  Although their offices and medical facilities were damaged, and a number of their staff injured, they were one of the first responders and were treating patients in make shift triages within the first few hours of the quake.  They are in the process of bringing further resources, floating hospitals, and more staff into the country.  Please take a few moments to read their website and follow more of the noble work these doctors and nurses are conducting right now, through aftershocks, all the while risking their own lives to help the people of Haiti. 

This is an organization that I believe in.  Our donations will continue to allow MSF to aid the people of Haiti and many other people throughout the world.  Thank you again for your support!  I personally feel as though I was able to do something to help those in need, and it is a wonderful feeling.